Posted by HannahW on October 7, 2003, at 23:14:09
In reply to Re: Hannah and Sabina » HannahW, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2003, at 22:03:14
> I'm sort of hormonal myself right now, too. That's been affecting me more than usual lately.
My ob/gyn put me on the pill every day of the month, so I don't usually have periods. But darn it, I ran out of pills before I got my script filled, and then it was too late. Now I have to have this period before I can start up again.
>It helps a lot to hear that I helped you, in whatever small way, in your therapy.
It was in no small way at all. I'm serious.
>Psychological Babble is so special to me and I put an extra measure (perhaps too much) of myself into it.
And thank goodness you do. Well, not the "too much" part.
> I was the designated picked on kid from sixth thru ninth grade, so I know what you mean. The frustration was immense.
Frustration is an interesting word to describe such an experience. That one's never even occurred to me because I was so caught up in the pain. Three years is a terribly long time (or was it four?). Was that all through middle school? How old are you now?
>Nothing I did made any difference. Whatever choice in my behavior led to ridicule. And I couldn't manage the nonchalance that was the only true way out. It still affects my behaviors today, and is one of my recurring therapy themes.
I still carry those deep scars too. I don't know that I can even call them scars, because they haven't healed over. Scabs, maybe, but not scars. And the Babble situation ripped off that scab, I think.
I eventually mastered the stone face, but it really didn't help. Or maybe at the time I couldn't keep it up for long enough. In any case, I'm an absolute master at it now, and it's sincerely screwing up my life. It's hard for me to be any other way. And if I can't show emotion, then people think I'm stand-offish and don't bond with me. It's the CENTRAL theme to my therapy right now. As much as it sucks, this really is a perfect opportunity to finally address the core reason for this defense mechanism. I've never told anyone about it except my husband. Isn't that stupid? I was the one abused, yet *I* feel ashamed.
>
> My own name isn't DinahLOL! That's hysterical! Here I was, imagining myself someday establishing a closer bond with someone from the board, finally telling them my real name, and having them being really upset with me for being dishonest!>
> Thank you again for your post. It gave me a lift when I was feeling really down.
It really gives me tremendous gratification that I can touch you. Oh, geez, here come the tears again....
poster:HannahW
thread:266525
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031002/msgs/266598.html