Posted by Tabitha on August 29, 2003, at 0:16:25
Having a downturn this week. I had a weird therapy session Tuesday, it's been 90F in my house, and I've been missing my 'ex' and fighting the urge to call him. My therapist tried to get me to do the usual cognitive crap, but I'm not sure I can really access the negative thoughts in order to challenge them.
Maybe I just needed a little more social contact. I'm seeing a friend tomorrow, but it's not the kind of friend I can confide in about being down.
Feeling a little hopeless, despite having gotten a lot of stuff done this week. I've made big progress on the home re-organization and finding contractors. I don't feel good though, I just feel dead and empty. A little lonely, bordering on needy, so I'm afraid to reach out to anyone. I think I'm giving out weird vibes, you know how you get a little too down, then when you try to reach out you aren't very appealing, because of the depressed vibes?
I'm really tired of this heat. I'd been leaving windows open more, but then got a notice from the neighborhood committee of a woman in my neighborhood, raped in her home after going for a morning walk with a window left open. So now I'm locking the windows at sunset, and the house doesn't cool off much. And that story is making me feel much less safe in my home.
Oh, plus I'm missing the Burning Man festival. I decided not to go this year, for some good reasons, but I'm missing the fun.
I never know where to turn, besides this group. Which is great, but I'd like some real-life support too. I tried a new CoDa meeting, but it didn't seem right somehow. My therapist has an opening in her group, but those groups are more like heavy therapy than support (they bring up a lot of issues).
I feel I'm on the edge of wearing out my existing friends. They aren't very available. That's why I miss the 'ex' so much, he was just soooo available (and high-maintenance).
Maybe I should get a massage.
poster:Tabitha
thread:255214
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030818/msgs/255214.html