Posted by fallsfall on August 10, 2003, at 21:58:58
In reply to I am *sad*., posted by kara lynne on August 10, 2003, at 18:42:31
> I spent the last two nights with a friend-- someone who doesn't understand depression, so I couldn't talk about a lot of what's going on. She was also drinking quite a bit and I don't drink at all, so that was difficult. I made myself go out (a la fallsfall, although I wish it had been with her!) so I wouldn't be alone.
*** Me, too, sweetie!
But I was tired and depressed, and I noticed most of the male attention went toward her whenever we went anywhere. Not hard to imagine why in my state, but it didn't do much for my morale.
*** I don't smile much when I'm depressed, and I'm not very bubbly. I wouldn't be competition for any woman when I'm depressed.
>
> And now I am alone. I don't want to call my ex although it's tempting.*** I read this line and I said "Yeah, Kara!!!!" I'm proud of you.
Why would I call someone who said those kinds of things about me. But then I'm lying on the couch watching the Osbourne's and I start to imagine him with another woman. I saw a real therapist last week and he said the ex would probably find another woman soon because he sounds like a dependent person. Then he asked if I was willing to risk that possiblity while I take this time to get my feet on the ground. I just have to think it through, and imagine what that other woman has to look forward to in the days to come. But at first you know, it's all wine and roses.
*** And you KNOW it is all wine and roses to start. So don't be fooled that he likes "her" better just because it is wine and roses.
*** I wish you could think of you and the future, rather than him and the future. You have so much going for you, and there are so many men who would treat you so much better. Can you daydream about one of them? A boy in highschool who you never had the nerve to say hello to? They guy you wanted to marry, but he married someone else? Or someone you just make up. What would he do for you (this is fantasy, you can make up anything...)? What would you do for him? What would you do when you went out? What would you do when you stayed home?
>
> I'm too tired to divert my attention with things that need to be done, and there are so many of them. I think I annoyed my counselor by calling her one too many times. There's only so much desperate calling someone can do--no-one can come live my life for me.*** If I can't divert my attention with things that need to be done (which is most of the time...), then I try with things that don't need to be done (Dee's suggestions are good, particularly the ice cream one). Go to the Library and find a random place in the stacks and find something that would be interesting to read for 30 minutes (and sit on the floor to read). Make a sculpture with stuff you find outside.
>
> I have no motivation. It's really, really hot. I'm doing baby steps trying to take care of myself, but it's really difficult. I won't unpack the boxes in the kitchen so I'm using one plastic fork over and over. That kind of thing.*** Ice Cream. It is so hard to unpack (and even harder when it is hot). Try unpacking late at night or early in the morning when it is cooler. Go someplace airconditioned in the middle of the day (library?). I set up rewards for myself. If I do 10 minutes of work then I can play on the computer for 20 minutes. I get more done that way than if I say I have to work for 30 minutes. In the meantime - don't lose your fork.
>
> I'm too tired to go out and find the support I need--even then I'm not sure where I would go. This is very hard.*** Yes, it is hard. Partly because you have a whole bunch of stuff that needs to be unpacked, and to do that you have to make lots of decisions (will I keep it? Where should it go? Do I need anything (picture hooks, or drawer organizers or ??) to put it away?)
*** If you start with the easiest boxes (maybe books that go on the same bookcase they were on before), you might get some confidence.
*** And if you don't get anything done? So what! You still have your fork and tomorrow is another day.
Go Bowling.
poster:fallsfall
thread:249882
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030808/msgs/249930.html