Posted by KimberlyDi on July 31, 2003, at 11:13:15
In reply to so very down I've forgotten about up, posted by zenhussy on July 31, 2003, at 2:06:29
{{{{{{Zenhussy}}}}}}}
Have you forgotten how to cry? I have. Oh, I'm improving. Angry or hurt tears can squeeze out of my eyes, almost with me unaware of it. But those gut-wrenching sobs, when you give up CONTROL of your emotions and just feel... I can't do it. It's like I locked the door and threw away the key.
My husband ran over my cat, my special cat. The one abandoned by its mom and I had to hand feed. So scrawny & fearless with tiny legs/paws smaller than my pinky finger. She would stand by my feet, barely taller than my shoes, and meow at me to pick her up. Demanding. Imperial. Adoring. Full grown, she was half the size of a normal cat. My mini-meow. ANYWAYS, when he ran over her I felt nothing. My heart was frozen. I was also numb from side effects from Effexor.
I should have been hurt. I should have grieved for her. I was too successful in protecting my heart years ago. I don't know how to undo the damage that I did back then.
so... probably the answer is forever, until you die, you can remain stoic. Unless you aggressively seek another way. If you find it, let me know.
Wish you luck,
KDi in Texas> How long can one stay 'stoic'?
>
> How long can one go without feeling because they have to?
>
> How long does it take to make a coping mechanism for the time being into a coping mechanism for life?
>
> Why am I so damn sad (um, best friend's father died, hs chum hit by car other day and has massive head injury)? Sure those things are things to grieve but when one never learned how to grieve how does one begin?
>
> Is the insomnia after about three solid days and nights of sleep a rebound? Is this what happens when you don't let tears out?
>
> Is this the kind of post that gets posted late at night when one wants to go to bed so badly but is just frozen with inability to do anything but feel the heaviness in my chest and the pain in my heart for these people.
>
> It's almost August...I guess my me time is coming soon.
>
> zh
poster:KimberlyDi
thread:246925
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030727/msgs/247015.html