Posted by Emme on July 4, 2003, at 9:04:43
In reply to Re: talked to friend briefly, posted by kara lynne on July 3, 2003, at 23:38:25
Hi. Okay. Today feels like it's starting out bad again. I've got to try to keep it contained somehow. My friend sent out a general e-mail to a number of people with an update on what he's been up to. At least I was on the list. But there was no response to the message I sent. I think he's choosing not do deal with it. You're right. He probably has his own issues too. Maybe it's not all me. Somehow I grew up with a big guilt complex over expression of anger. I wonder if my brothers feel the same way...they certainly express anger more.
All of this is a lot of emotional reaction over something relatively minor. My emotional reservoir is not well stocked.
Also, I tend to be extremely sensitive to what people say to me (or don't say), and how they say it. I just soak it up like a sponge and let it gnaw at my self esteem. And the bigger the conflict, the worse I'd feel of course. (Though in the past I didn't used to hurt myself.) I know I do it. But counseling hasn't gotten me to stop doing it yet. I guess I know what to talk about next time I see my therapist. Let's make a deal - we'll both try to give ourselves a break over the next difficult thing that happens. Thanks for the support and input.I hope you have a good 4th.
love, emme> Hi Emme,
> Yes, you make perfect sense. I also have a lot of conflict around the expression of anger. I really understand the impulse to go directly toself punishment after the expression of rage.
>
> When you don't respond to the first 20 people who are nasty, the 21st might understandably be shaky. But anger in response to a nasty person is a perfectly understandable response. I know those "unbalanced" responses that come from having suppressed them for so long. But consider that your friend might also have his own issues around anger--his reaction isn't necessarily an accurate guage from which to judge yourself so harshly.
>
> I certainly don't have any answers. It's easy for me to tell you to give yourself a break I would not offer myself. But I am trying.
>
> I'm so glad you're a little better today, and that you have good help available. Love, K.L.
>
>
poster:Emme
thread:238884
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030704/msgs/239180.html