Posted by mair on May 29, 2003, at 17:57:11
In reply to Re: Spousal Support » mair, posted by Greg on May 29, 2003, at 14:20:49
I have tried having him attend some of my therapy sessions with mixed results. The first time was actually a number of sessions with a pdoc who was also my therapist. For the most part these were not productive because my husband viewed them as opportunities for him to act the supportive husband role and show up to find out how he could help. As soon as my doc tried to steer attention to him, he'd get very defensive and rather combative. I don't think the dynamics between my husband and my pdoc were good. We ended this experiment after a couple of sessions that just ended awfully, including one that I just walked out of becuase he really started going after me. He has an unfortunate tendency to go on the offensive when he thinks he's being attacked (even mildly) which might be a good strategy for lots of situations, but not for marriages.
With an enormous amount of trepidation, I invited him to a session with my current therapist about a year and a half ago. That session went fine, but it also went nowhere. I told my therapist that she couldn't make him the focus of any part of the discussion, and she didn't. She really wasn't asking him for much - the issue then was my strong feeling that I had become toxic to my family and he was good about reassuring me that this wasn't the case. We talked about some ways he could help me when I was particularly depressed, but nothing that stuck. He's great at talking about things that could be done, but not especially good at follow through. He's busy - his work is fairly challenging and stressful, and I think distracts him alot when he's at home.
This is all pretty anxiety producing stuff for me, but I also know that I'm going to have to address things with him more directly if I want to get a better handle on my own moods since stuff with him can be such an enormous trigger for me. I have a huge approach avoidance where he's concerned and really don't know how I'd present this to him anyway.
Mair
poster:mair
thread:229950
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030517/msgs/230024.html