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Re: Cutting, looking for answers.... McPac

Posted by Eggy on May 26, 2003, at 0:55:36

In reply to Re: Cutting, looking for answers.... Trigger, posted by Dinah on May 23, 2003, at 14:49:09

I cut. I have a BIG problem with it. It's harder in the summer because I like to cut my arms and I can't hide it. Why do I do it? Because all day long I have to act "normal"...like I feel good. My pain gets locked up inside. I cut because it feels good. Because it FEELS! I'm not allowed to feel. I don't know how to. It's an endorphin thing my therapist says. I go all day like a zombie faking smiles and doing the mom thing. It's like a runners high. Except I get more out of it. I get to see that I am real. I see the blood and feel the pain so I know I am a real person.

I hate it though. I wish I could do it without the scars. Without anyone knowing. Without regreting it later. Because I always regret it after I see the scabs.

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poster:Eggy thread:228095
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030517/msgs/229161.html