Posted by babs on May 25, 2003, at 18:28:33
I'm in a bad state right now. My mom died six weeks ago and I can't stop doubting that I really love my boyfriend. Over and over again, I keep looking for signs that I don't really love him or that I can't marry him. The thoughts are causing me a lot of anxiety and they don't make sense because we were so close while my mom was sick and dying. It's so bad that when I try to look into my heart to see how I really feel I can't shut out all the noise my brain is making. I'm on the verge of tears all the time because these thoughts are really hurtful but I can't stop ruminating.
I'm on meds for OCD (low dose risperdal and celexa) and an increase in obsessions has always been a warning sign that a depression is coming. Are my meds not working? Does this sound like OCD to you?
I'm starting to pay attention to them and am wondering if maybe it's a sign we're not right for each other but he's the person I love best in the world. But if I really loved him why would I be having these horrible thoughts. It's so bad that I'm not even thinking about the fact that my mom died- all I can do is think about whether or not I "really" love him.
I'm having a really hard time so gentle responses only please.
poster:babs
thread:229082
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030517/msgs/229082.html