Posted by WorryGirl on May 14, 2003, at 18:02:37
In reply to Re: Why? » WorryGirl, posted by mair on May 14, 2003, at 17:25:21
> Wow!
>
> I guess I haven't been hanging around here enough to understand what prompted this. I have been here long enough, however, to know that there are many people, myself included, who have felt a sense of rejection on this Board at one time or another.
>
> I, too, struggle with relationship issues, which for me means that very few of my non-cyber contacts even know about my struggles with depresseion. When I first discovered this site, it was such a wonderful revelation to find that there were lots of people who experienced what I did. Participation here seemed to relieve me from those feelings of isolation that are present for any depressed person but even worse for someone who tries to hide it from family and friends. AS time went on, I discovered additional benefits to Board participation. Writing about my depression and reading the posts of others made me feel much more comfortable with the subject and more accepting of my illness (ocassionally anyway). Eventually my participation here helped me find the words to use in speaking about it to others. I don't do this much, but I have come clean with a few friends. It doesn't mean I burden them with my depression, but just that it's easier for me to be around them when I am depressed, and I worry at little less about whether they're going to take it the wrong way when I do my periodic disappearing act. Also I think writing about my experiences here and reading about the experiences of others has probably helped reinforce some of the things I've worked on in therapy. It certainly gets me to think about things that come up in therapy a bit more carefully. And yes, I have formed what I consider to be some pretty good friendships here - and there are a few people that I email on a pretty regular basis. But I was here for a very long time before those friendships developed.
>
> As with anything, participation here can be a mixed bag. If you get too wrapped up here, you're inevitably going to feel stressed in some way by the periodic blow-ups that occur. I've gotten pretty upset over things that have happened here and from time to time I just need to take a break. Also I've learned how to avoid certain types of posts or certain posters or threads that are likely to upset me. I generally do better when I can manage to stay above the fray. There is also the problem that people you value will come and go, sometimes without explanation. Also, my therapist sometimes says she wishes I would bring some issues to her before I bring them to the Board. She has felt in the past that I processed and filtered things too much so by the time she found out about them, I had pretty much worked everything out. And at times I've thought I worked too hard at my cyber relationships and ignored my non-cyber friends. I don't think anyone here should substitute cyber friends for friends you know and see and do things with. You may need both, but in any case you probably need the latter.
>
> I guess what it boils down to is that the Board cannot and will not be everything you want at all times. There will be periods when it serves you well and probably others where, for whatever reason, you may feel it does you more harm than good. I think it's worked better for me to be grateful for what it can offer me, but not too disappointed when it doesn't deliver what I'd like. It doesn't mean you won't be hurt as you are now, but just that maybe you can rebound a little better next time. In other words, if you don't give up on us, we can't and won't give up on you.
>
> Mair
I've already read your response three times, just to let it really sink in. Very wise words...
As I told Greg, my need for approval is always lurking around in the background of my life.
I haven't given up on this board. I feel like I'm being unfair to the ones who have responded, even when I felt stupid.I remember at least two people, who to my knowledge haven't posted on this board in a while. I loved their posts; they really touched me, and while I realize they was going through issues that were too difficult to cure on this board, I miss them. I thought back and hoped I didn't unintentionally say anything that might have made them feel worse.
I have become dependent on these boards, I admit it. But they have helped more than they have hurt and I'm grateful for them.Just to let you know, I try like hell to appear "together" in the outside world, and don't go around looking for pity or talk about my emotional problems. Maybe opening up a little about that would help, if it was the right person. Every time I do share (in the outside world) I feel that I've been exploited in a way, and I regret it. I have a difficult time trusting people.
Thanks for not giving up on me!
XOXOXO
poster:WorryGirl
thread:226613
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030506/msgs/226641.html