Posted by leeran on May 9, 2003, at 14:26:37
In reply to Help Help Help!!, posted by mmcasey on May 9, 2003, at 11:05:59
MM -
I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling this way today. I know (from reading your other posts) that you feel this way quite a bit of the time.
I understand that "Friday feeling" (that's what I call it) of not wanting to be alone on the weekend - yet dreading time spent with someone who may, or may not, be someone whose company you really enjoy. For me, weekends can be wonderful - or they can be nightmarish. In the last year or so, Fridays have become a reminder of everything I haven't accomplished during the preceding week.
When I read your post (I read it twice) I felt that sense of overwhelming "oh no" that I experience when I'm dreading something (or everything) in the future (my most recent case of this has been a dental problem). Every other stressor (regardless of importance) layers around this central dread until I feel like I'm being consumed by my fear. When I stop and ask myself "what's bothering me so much," my mental reply is a litany of endless ills that seem impossible to resolve.
When I get like this it seems to be during a time when I'm on the wrong medication, or not taking any medication (you mentioned getting used to Lamictal).
I think it sounds like you need some kind of immediate relief from all the stressors you feel, the sooner the better. I get the impression that the GRE is one of your biggest stressors.
You mentioned going to the hospital. I have never been through this, but the impression I've gotten from others (here) who have been hospitalized is that it can help. I know there have been times when I thought that a week of being physically and mentally removed from my arena of pain would make all the difference in the world.Maybe that's just what your survival instinct is telling you right now. When you think about it, if we are in intense physical pain we know that we must seek medical attention for relief from the pain. It seems like that darned stigma comes into play when it comes to intense emotional/mental pain. MM, suffering is suffering, be it physical or emotional suffering. When others (referring to myself) can clearly feel your pain through your words it seems obvious that you are in need of some relief from your pain. If you had a compound fracture you wouldn't think twice about seeking immediate relief from the agony.
I'm referring to your second post. Pain that makes you feel like you want to die. Pain is our body's way of telling us something is wrong. If checking in to a hospital can give you any relief at all (which I'm guessing it can), then please, MM, take that route. Right now things are working against you - getting used to the Lamictal, not having your therapist - and I'm sure that makes it all the more difficult. Just like we can't set our own broken arm, we can't necessarily re-set our own broken spirit.
If you were my daughter (I'm guessing our age difference is such that you could be) I wouldn't even hesitate one moment in doing everything I could to eliminate some of this pain you're experiencing.
If I had just read a note written by my son with the same words you have posted here we would be on our way somewhere.
Take care of yourself, MM. It is so important.
poster:leeran
thread:225382
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030506/msgs/225428.html