Posted by whiterabbit on April 27, 2003, at 1:47:57
I'm ditching the white rabbit personality for now
(always late, no time for myself and terrified of displeasing somebody) to assume the much wiser position of the Cheshire-cat. I'd like to point the way through this section of the woods that I've navigated myself, if you care to stop and listen for a minute.There are some basic truths about life that are pretty much not well-known or simply not valued in the western world. I'm not a doctor or philosopher or prophet, I'm just a survivor. Still, I'm trying to think of things that I would put on a list myself if I were in charge of sending babies from heaven to earth. Here are the instructions I would send with all babies:
1.) The more water you drink, the better you'll feel. This sounds too simple to be true but it is.
Water lubricates and flushes toxins from your body. If you think about it, the most basic laws in our environment can be compared to the marvelous systems in our bodies. Orthopedics (bone structure) operates on the same principles as architecture, engineering and carpentry. The "sewage system" in our internal structure depends on water in much the same way. So get into the water habit in whatever way entices you,
whether it's a bottle of Evian or a glass of club soda with a lemon slice or a "Big Gulp" cup with tap water and lots of ice. While this is a really good every-day habit, it's CRUCIAL when you're drinking too much alcohol or taking a lot of medication (that's why patients are usually hooked up to IV bags of salt water in the hospital). Dehydration is a major factor in hangovers and confusion or disorientation from medication. Drink your water.2.) Take care of yourself first. Some people are naturally selfish but a lot of us worry way too much about the spouse and the kids and the boss and ------ (fill in the blank) while we run ourselves ragged trying to meet all their wants. (Not their needs, but their WANTS.) This is not only unproductive, it's destructive. The people you are spoiling will not only expect the same standard on a daily basis, they will demand more and appreciate less as time goes on. You really do have to sit down and figure out exactly where to draw the line in this kind of situation, it's
a real mistake to continually indulge someone past the point of what you do know (even subconciously) to be reasonable limits, or they will continue to suck the life right out of you.
Sit down and give some deep thought as to what you're willing to tolerate from others, then think some more about what would really make YOU feel better for a change. If you don't block out time to recharge your own batteries, your ability to care for others will eventually drain away.
Then you can't help yourself or anyone else. That's why the flight attendant tells you to put the oxygen mask on first before you worry about the kids.3.) Get help when you need it. Not only is it unnecessary to be strong all the time and try to power through every crisis on your own, it's actually kind of dumb. It isolates you from the people who are mystified by your behavior and makes them feel helpless in return. When the tide starts to pull you under, yell at those people who are in a position to help you. They would be devestated if you didn't even give them a chance to save you before your body washed up on the shore.
4.) As soon as you can, try to accept the fact that you'll never please everyone all the time and you'll be crushed if you try. Every single person in that world out there is as individual as their DNA, and it's one of life's biggest tragedies that we spend so much of our time and energy trying to conform and impress and convince other people (and ourselves) that we're just as good or better than they are. The real irony is that many of the people we truly admire and wish to emulate according to our own values (think Bill Gates, Andy Warhol, Albert Einstein) were
fiercely determined to follow their own star rather than worry about fitting in and being accepted by the right people. Celebrate your individuality and go with your personal strengths.5.) Learn to trust yourself. We're always so terrified that we'll just never be able to handle whatever comes along when this really is a totally unjustified fear. We've managed to deal with trouble in the past and draw courage from a source inside ourselves that we didn't know existed. We've done it before and we'll do it again, and each experience will teach us to handle the next crisis with a little less fear and a little more dignity and grace.
6.) Nothing in life needs to be perfect. Keep repeating this to yourself, especially if you're struggling with OCD. It's a huge and terrifying waste of precious time and energy to demand perfection from yourself on whatever you're obsessing over, because it's just not that important. This is a hard one because I believe that it's related more to how your brain is wired than anything you've learned, like a computer glitch (a dramatic example of this is Tourettes Syndrome, which is unrelated to intelligence). Still, try to keep a little perspective on whatever it is that you're trying to make perfect,
if the time and labor you're devoting to the project will actually make a real difference to you or anyone else. Maybe not.7.) Try not to care so much about blending in. If you're working yourself into a frenzy over what others will think of you at the party or the new class, there's a time-honored formula to fall back on. Wear dark colors and look bored.
Good luck!
-Gracie
poster:whiterabbit
thread:222703
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030426/msgs/222703.html