Posted by Alara on April 18, 2003, at 3:34:12
In reply to Depression, meds, working, supervisor « jerrympls, posted by Dr. Bob on April 16, 2003, at 8:24:00
Sorry that you have had to go through this, Jerry. I had my first experience with depression and anxiety while trying to hold down a demanding job too and can really relate to your post.It might help you to take an objective look at some of the issues you outlined:
1. You're facing an every day struggle to function in a demanding workplace while taking heavy medication which does not seem to be doing the job.
2. You suffer from excessive debilitating guilt - a part of your depression.
3. You feel misunderstood by your manager, resulting in (also debilitating) feelings of alienation and isolation.
4. You are in conflict about your own competing needs: You need special accomodations but don't at the same time you don't want to be treated any differently than anybody else. You want to keep your dignity. (I may be projecting here due to my own past experience.)
5. There is a temptation to avoid all these competing pressures by working from home. (Right now it might seem like the only solution but I am not at all sure that this will help you in the long term.)
6. Your depression and anxiety are being exacerbated by fear of losing your job.
Whoa, Jerry! You are on a lot of meds. I'm surprised that you are able to function at all. You said that the combination is not working for you. Would it be possible to work from home (for the short term only) while you taper off some of the meds? I am not a med expert at all but am wondering whether you would need a stim all if you cut out the Ambien and reduced your dose of Lexapro and Xanax. You might be able to accomplish this if you spent a month or so working from home. (You will find good advice on this issue on the Psychobabble board.)Don't isolate yourself at home for too long. You need to keep up a certain level of social interaction. I worked from home for over a year before accepting a job in a busy office. I had to learn how to deal with a stressful environment all over again and went through a lengthy adjustment period. (I have really only just started to feel comfortable in the office after 4 months of working there!)
You taken a good step in making an appointment with the Employee Assistance counselor. Don't worry too much about what to tell your supervisor meanwhile. Maybe you can devise a plan with the counselor and your doctor. You will feel less guilty about this if you have the support of these two people.
If you manage to reduce your meds, you will win half the battle of getting to work. You can win the other half of the battle if you remind yourself that a day is just a day. Stop working such long hours and give yourself a proper lunch break. (I am so much more productive if I go home for a power nap at lunch time once or twice a week. :-) ) Oh yeah: And stop putting unreasonable demands on yourself. You are only human.
One last thought: Would it really be the worst thing in the world to lose your job? Of course you want to keep it if you can, but never underestimate the value of your health.
End of sermon. :-)
All the best, Jerry.
Alara
poster:Alara
thread:219777
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030414/msgs/220317.html