Posted by Tabitha on March 29, 2003, at 2:36:40
In reply to Re: What to say! » Tabitha, posted by bluedog on March 29, 2003, at 1:03:19
A minor clarification: I didn't mean 'what can I say to men?' I meant 'what can I say' as if to apologize for wanting a casual fling, my excuse being, as Wendy B sang to us recently "I'm depraved cause I'm deprived" But your post is dead-on useful.
I'll bet the results might be a little more equal in the 35-50 age range instead of on college campus. I think. Plus there's the surprise factor, women are used to yucky public come-ons, so 1st instinct is already there to say no. I've had men come onto me boldly, said no out of surprise, then later hoped I'd run into them again. Besides.. maybe the experimenters didn't know how to pick an attractive man.. that always annoys me about Hollywood movies, the few that have women directors pick WAY hotter leading men. Jane Campion, Sally Potter come to mind here. I swear I start wondering if I'm gay looking at some of the men that get picked to play 'heartthrob' roles by male directors. Yuck.
But I digress..
Yeah it can't just be a stranger on the street. I have to see somebody quite a few times to develop an attraction, and it has to be mutual. I've sadly had the experience of having sex with men who I think were just doing it because I was available, otherwise not that attracted to me, and it left me feeling awful. It has to be fun, the energy exchange, the flirtation, not just the physical part, cuz for that I like my battery powered toys just fine.
But.. I do feel lucky, to want less from men than I used to want. Trust me though, there are plenty of men out there looking for a full-on girlfriend/wife, or fatal attraction male version, or just plain not fun or not sexy to me. It's not the easiest thing in the world to find someone suitable for my fling.
It's funny though, now I'm looking at all the men I meet, thinking hmmmm, could I do him? I figure if I smile and think these thoughts, I must be giving out good vibes. Better than worrying what the man is thinking of me, or could he be my new boyfriend/savior or whatever the heck I used to want that I never got.
Eventually I have faith the universe will provide. My therp wants me to put a personal ad though.
Well here you are just barely back posting, and I'm talking your ear off already!
poster:Tabitha
thread:211739
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030326/msgs/213999.html