Posted by jay on March 8, 2003, at 23:41:34
In reply to Re: Being mean to the ones we love..., posted by paxvox on March 8, 2003, at 20:43:33
> And why do you think that is, Jay? Misplaced, misdirected aggression......God how I know about that! My spin on the subject is that you strike out at those who a) love you, and will take it or b) happen to be convieniently present.
>
> Being the receipient of misdirected anger-hatred-horror (fill in the blank), I can tell ya it takes quite a bit of patience. If you have read any of my old posts (I have only just recently began re-posting here)you may know my "story", if not let me know, and I'll give you the 5 cent version.
>
> My question of you; do you feel GUILT over your actions when you realize you are treating someone like sh*t? Does this compound your depression or whatever ails you? Do you find that it is a self-feeding cycle that seems unbreakable?
>
> PAXWell, I actually asked because I am a very passive person but like most humans, I get that once in awhile 'bitchy' attitude. (Thankfully it's never been physical.) Medications have often worsened it (mostly the stimulating ones), and I have been pretty frightened at what chemicals can do to the mind and body.(Again, though, I have also been *helped* by many of these.) But, I have been *more* frightened at what society can do to people, and especially how poverty can make the worst of a person. I've been fortunate to have a very graceful and mostly functional life, in particular with regards to being free from abuse. That also made me the person I am, and like I said besides the odd male-PMS stint, I deplore acts of aggression of any kind. I have the ultimate male role-model of a father who taught me that men can and should be gentle, loving souls, and I think that is where much of my depression comes from, is that this world doesn't value that in men. It has also promoted that quality in women, especially in passive-aggressive attitudes. If you are a guy who doesn't act/look like the tough Hollywood glamour boy, then there must be something wrong with you. If you aren't a woman who is all perfectly "prim" and "made-up", then again there must be something wrong with you.
And ya, if I say something the wrong way to someone, I feel quite horrid. Usually because that is a reflection of my inner-state. But when I feel good about myself, I am very open to dishing out the empathy and love. It is odd, because even though I have suffered with depression and anxiety for a long time, I've managed to even drag-out, to "act" caring for the most part, even often in my darkest of times. I think that has been one of the greatest lessons of my "healing". So, no, I certainly don't think it is an "unbreakable" cycle.
Jay
poster:jay
thread:207106
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030308/msgs/207266.html