Posted by JohnV on February 17, 2003, at 3:15:28
In reply to When do you start feeling like a grown up?, posted by Dinah on February 15, 2003, at 1:39:16
I can really understand what you are saying. I often don't think people take me serious, just like when you know people "talk down" to a kid? People take my nonaggressive attitude and even sometime passive attitude (from what I think anyways) to be some sign of immaturity. I was told I should apply and would be good in a few management level jobs, (I was even asked in the past by a few bosses) and I am in my late twenties, but I have felt so unconfident or affraid people will see that in me and just have this perception I am some immature, needy little boy who can never be taken seriously.I am also really close to my parents, and I get the feeling other family members see that as "immaturity" or a "weakness". I really, really hate this label of a "mammas boy" because society makes it seem like it is a bad thing to have a close relationship with your parents.(Especially for us men because it is not "macho".) A couple of girls I have dated have got into an argument about that with me, and it's not like I have some weird babyish relationship but one where I am there for my parents just like they have been there for me.(Some woman more than others seem to like this term, and it is one of prejudice I think.) Having said that, I talk to my parents only in length about once every week or two, and am out of the house at all hours without them ever really knowing what I am up to. It' been like that since I was a teenager.
Sorry for the long winded rant. A parent-child bond has many deep and important aspects to us becoming independent and loving and nurturing adults. I honestly think it is sad to see people move out when they are 16-17, and cut their parents off completely, but often there are issues there, often not nice.
The great thing is when all is said and done in the end, and I am on my death bed, I know I will have given as much as possible to the ones who brought me into the world and I hope to pass that love onto my children and hopefully my wife when I get married. I don't want ever to be one of these people who grows older and regrets not saying more and doing more with their parents after they die. Life would be that less richer for me if that where the case. Oh and yes, it is ok for a grown person to tell their parents how much they love them.
poster:JohnV
thread:200606
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030215/msgs/201079.html