Posted by Eddie Sylvano on February 10, 2003, at 13:54:52
In reply to Re: fickle therapists-on vacation, posted by bpdzone2000 on February 8, 2003, at 13:44:57
>What's worse is my secret disturbing thoughts. Those thoughts of being abused someway and having my therapist see me in this condition and just feeling so bad for me and wanting to RESCUE me... That's so hard to say and I can't believe that I just typed this. I'm very ashamed of these thoughts.
---------------------Everything you think and feel should be material for therapy. I can relate to your rescue "fantasy" too. For me, it was a feeling that no one truly saw or understood the depths of my pain and isolation (I keep up good appearances), and a scenario like you just described (having someone witness you in a state of abuse) is one in which your therapist couldn't help but see you suffering. I wanted to be found in a ditch, near death and unconcious. In a world that you feel is blind to your anguish, being shown compassion by someone is proof that at least *someone* cares about you, and we all need to feel that is true.
Knowing these kinds of feelings is important to your therapist's understanding of the way you think, and that's what therapy is all about. My original post in this thread was an attempt to discern if anyone's therapists have actually done anything to inspire the fears that their patients have regarding abandonment or judgement, because that would be wholly unprofessional. If this isn't the case, and your therapist is trying to do the right thing, I would urge you be as open as you can with them. They can't read your mind.
poster:Eddie Sylvano
thread:35870
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030208/msgs/36781.html