Posted by sid on February 2, 2003, at 22:12:06
I thought I'd check in and see if there were any names I recognized, and indeed there are a few!
I haven't been much of a babbler for several months, mostly because I've been doing well and started doing stuff I always wanted to but never got to, thanks to dythimia and depression, oh, and anxiety. I haven't felt like reminding myself of my health problems, because I did not feel them anymore, and it seemed like I should live in the present and enjoy my newly found energy, vitality and enthousiasm for life.
I've now been on 75mg of Effexor XR per day for about a year, with complete remission of all symptoms of dysthimia (after more than 20 years), and major depression (about 10 years of recurring episodes). All of it was intertwined with symptioms of GAD. GAD is still a problem, in the sense that I get overly anxious sometimes, I tend to freak out still, when I'm under stress, but it passes quicker, and now that I practice yoga, meditation and breathing exercises help a great deal too. Basically, my anxiety is under control. Lately I even did things that would have put me under such stress that I would have gotten sick, or I would have had panic attacks or whatever other way my body would have reacted to my mind freaking out. This time though, I took all my courage and tried things again that in the past put me over the edge in terms of symptoms of GAD. I thought: if it happens again, I'll know my limitations. Well, I had some excessive worrying, feeling helpless, etc. but I managed to overcome that and in the end did OK. How about them apples? Much much better than in the past.
I haven't been depressed in so long, sometimes I feel I'm living on borrowed time; indeed, I thought my life would never get better. After 20 years of dysthimia, I thought life was simply difficult and boring. Now I have fun, I enjoy all sorts of things, and surprisingly, I enjoy being with people more than ever. I used to think I was not sociable, but now it's clear that I am! I'm still somewhat of a loner in the sense that I enjoy solitude, but now I also manage to enjoy interaction with others, which is becoming another source of joy in my life.
I work better now, I can concentrate better, I am more self-confident too. In my spare time, I started painting a few months back, and I feel great doing that! I had wanted to do it for years, but I never found the time, money and mostly, the energy for it. It is now very clear that I am an artist, in terms of personality, even though I earn a living teaching and doing research. I would not want to stop painting ever, it makes me feel so incredibly alive. I get to know myself through it, and I keep being surprised bu the thing I create. Weird and good feeling all at once. Huh, I made that? Wow, interesting.
So, for those who followed my Effexor XR beginner's anxiety last year, that's where I'm at. Doing better and better, and just being happy I took the Effexor XR, even though I had resisted taking meds all these years. I was free of depression at the time, but nothing had worked on the dysthimia symptoms, so I thought I'd give it a shot. Especially in order never to have major depression again, which is more likely when one has dysthimia.
To the reader: I hope you're doing well, or at least, better over time, whatever you're trying to help yourselves. Most of all: keep trying. I'm still amazed I made it because some days I felt like ending it all, but I finally made it to being healthier and feeling good about myself and about being alive.
To Dinah, IsoM, and the others I discussed with before: thanks for the interaction, you've helped in many ways, and you are in my thoughts (I'm not much of a prayer, bit I'm a heck of a thinker!). I am sending you positive energy so your lives are happy and enjoyable.
Take care of yourselves!
- sid
poster:sid
thread:36211
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030201/msgs/36211.html