Posted by Miller on January 22, 2003, at 12:02:13
In reply to Re: Kushner » Miller, posted by Dinah on January 22, 2003, at 9:14:43
Hi Dinah,
Yes, I am feeling a little better. I am really trying to come to terms with my past.
The on-line shrink seems to think the reason I am so unforgiving of myself is that I have never been punished for the bad things I did. I have pretty much "gotten away with" everything my whole life.
So, he suggested that I think of forms of punishment that will be helpful to others. Sort of a way to create my own pentance. I have done so with two very important issues. So, although it is hard work (more of a pain in the neck) I think I did need to satisfy some kind of punishment before I could ever think of letting go. We'll see. In the mean time, others will benefit from it all.
I still have such moods, though. I wish I could understand why, even if there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I feel so despreate sometimes. Just this morning I woke up and my first thought was to kill myself. I am not sad today. I wasn't sad when I went to bed. I wish I could understand.
-Miller
poster:Miller
thread:35542
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030120/msgs/35676.html