Posted by kamikazi_ladybug on January 16, 2003, at 19:26:52
In reply to SI and suicidal ideation and me, posted by Dinah on January 16, 2003, at 9:37:20
Ok, I'm going to try this and make sense.
I really tried to find the previous post in question, I have read your posts for so long, I truly don't believe you could ever be an "attention seeking faker" but since I've been back on seroquel I've been in lala land and missed quite a few posts lately..anyway...back to topic here (see I'm trying).
Dinah, when I read your post I would say 93% I felt like it could be my story. I had to hide my fears, distress, and always my angers as a child. If I was heard crying as a child I would get it. I think thats why as an adult I can't cry..which leads to being angry. I was/am a SI and have gone through bout of suicidal ideation and attempts, but just like you I am TRYING to learn coping skills NOW. It has been a long time, I am 30 years old now. Been being treated for 7 years, all those years I wasn't treated whoa, I was a mess, talk about disaster! I'm sure many can relate. But as you said also, learning how to behave in 2 different ways....my way when I had to be good, and my way when I was with myself. I am medicated, which is a so so thing, I have been very hard to treat.
SI I believe is something that I will always have to fight, but I can do it! Suicidal ideation I can beat, I don't want to die, I may think I do but I can't. We have an illness, a terrible illness, people look at us and we look fine, they don't see the chaos inside.
Dinah, I'm so sorry that you didn't get the support you needed. You deserve it!
KL (I'm sorry if this is way off base, blame it on the seroquel)
poster:kamikazi_ladybug
thread:35310
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030111/msgs/35345.html