Posted by Mr Cushing on December 29, 2002, at 22:11:55
In reply to Re: Help gaining Control of your Life » Mr Cushing, posted by mikhail99 on December 29, 2002, at 21:02:44
Yeah, I know, using drugs like that are extremely bad for me. But once I start to slip a little bit, then I start to slip in miles. Like 3 beers a few nights before Christmas turned into basically a week of partying harder and harder till I woke up this morning thinking What the F.....???I know part of being Bi-Polar is that you sometimes have that "flair" for being a perfectionist. Like you always feel like you have to do everything to the utmost extreme. That's the way I've always been. For example, if I wanted to read a book (which I do plenty of reading) I'll pick out something like 10 books and read them all within a month or so. That's the exact same reason why I'm kind of holding out right now on a part-time job... Part-Time just won't be enough for me. It will just frustrate the Hell out of me that I couldn't get more done. At the moment, it's almost better not to be working at all then to be working just a little bit till I figure out what's gone wrong in my wiring.
Then there's also that fact... I can't seem to live within any rules whatsoever. I've never been able to. Whenever I've been offered a job in the past, I've always been fired because I could never just stick to the game plan of my "Boss". If I have rules or any authority placed over me, I can't handle it. It really makes me freak out. And from all the soul searching and stuff that I've done over the last 8 months, going through years and years of memories trying to figure out where some of this comes from, I'm still lost. That's the way this condition is starting to seem to me now too. Like it's some sort of authority figure over my life and I'm starting to fight against it instead of truly learning to accept it and live with it.
I don't know... I've got an app't with my PDoc tomorrow afternoon and she'll be around till I think the last week of January till she takes off on a vacation till the beginning of March. I need a new therapist too since she's retiring this year. I first started seeing her when I was 5 years old since I was one of those that initially got DX'd as being ADD which is totally not the case.
Then there's the fact that the Health Care system here in Ottawa is like totally overloaded and under-budgeted at the moment and it might be a very loooooong time before I even find another therapist...
poster:Mr Cushing
thread:34150
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021226/msgs/34169.html