Posted by Dinah on August 6, 2002, at 6:27:50
In reply to Thoughts for the day..., posted by .tabi.T.ha. on August 6, 2002, at 5:47:20
Hmmm. Tabitha.
A lot of interesting points. You'd be amazed how much time I've spent in therapy about this board and what buttons it pushes and why. I'm not sure if that's a good thing because it's bringing hidden issues to light, or if the board is just naturally bad for me.
I have come to find, that for me, in general on the board, if I say nothing at all when I'm hurt it's a bad thing for me, depending on how strong the feelings are. They just get bottled up inside and emerge destructively. So I'm currently trying to express my hurt in "I" statements and then realizing that my words probably won't change a darn thing and removing myself emotionally at the very point I express my feelings so that subsequent posts on the same subject won't distress me. Not sure yet how well my new strategy is going... But I think I would be terribly upset if Dr. Bob didn't allow us to say when we felt hurt. For one thing there is always the possibility that the poster meant something else entirely and just expressed themselves poorly. I know I've done that, and I would want someone to bring up the fact that they felt hurt so that I could clear up the misunderstanding.
I've looked over your posts on that thread and only found one. I certainly didn't see anything wrong with what you posted in that one. You validated the feelings behind the statement that caused you pain while acknowledging that you felt hurt. Just because what happened after that was not what you wished doesn't mean you didn't do your best. Probably in any group of people it would be unreasonable (not wrong just not terribly likely) to expect others to respond in the way you would like.
I've seen how everything on the board has been thrown off by this one contretemps. Well maybe that's not fair. Things seem to heat up while we ignore the pressures building and then boil over all at once. But Judy and Gabbi are taking a break. Phil is blocked. I kind of get the feeling from your post that you feel some diffidence about posting now. I'm feeling a bit hurt and depressed, but am willing to try to soldier on, hoping that things will get back to normal. But it's hard to recapture that light hearted feel right now.
Trouble once said that this board was like a cofee shop, and you could drop in at different tables as you wished. I know I don't remember the context, and I'm sure I'm misrepresenting what she said a bit. (Sorry trouble, hope you understand that my left brained literal mind just doesn't understand things the same way your right brained representational mind does.) But I often wish it could be seen that way. That even if it doesn't feel safe to post everywhere at any given time, that it would feel okay to drop by a few tables and join in the conversations you wish to join.
I dunno. I'm pretty depressed about the whole thing. Sorry for rambling.
A deflated,
Dinah
poster:Dinah
thread:28167
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020804/msgs/28168.html