Posted by omega man on June 16, 2002, at 0:33:48
In reply to Obsessive thoughts - wasting my life, posted by automatedlady on June 3, 2002, at 18:30:51
From what I can make out..from whats written..you were already pre-disposed to mild depression ..which is not clear why..and the whole growing up process has gone wrong...most of the pressure from what you say..you put on yourself...also these ideas of what you expect of yourself tend to be what families, communities etc do to each other...and when you reach some point of wisdom..you can see through most of it...not as crap are whatever..but knowledge and understanding of yourself and whats outside, what preceded it all, and what the hope is for the future.
Some of us are more "wired" up for seeing the future or past than others..you seem to look to the previous, and you feel like its a losing game ? if you realise the negativity you posess are you clear whether you know whats chemical and whats life or self pressure ?
"hell is your life gone wrong", Robin Williams
Whatever the case if you can fix the biological problems, it won't really help without experiencing things differently..
It may seem a strange way to look at things, but I find it helfull (in fact a turning point for me) when I realized my life in wider process than what you describe...well my mother really (a Pdoc) showing me some books she had to read about depression studies in primates (monkeys)
Apparently the result of things going wrong to a creature results in crystallization of the hierarchy..i.e. someone learns their place (don't think i'm referring to you here !!) these cause and effect chains happen in most mammal species..and I don't know why, but knowing that really had a profound effect..
After enough of this I just say "we came from apes, were here..he he he bloody fascinating that is....", get the idea ?
if my process can be put in perspective thats religous in scope : science ...rather than be defined by a life thats not what I wanted, then it seems like my secret to escape from hell, was to create a process unique to me but similiar in scope to what helped me laugh at my own problems.
The pressure you describe..we do it to ourselves and we do it to each other..you seem to be doing plenty to yourself..and those near you..and aware of it.....it would seem obious you need a break..from anything or anyone thats could be re-inforcing that..but i'm sure you already know that.
Drugs can be pivotal.. ...but I would'nt write all this if I did'nt think a good percentage of your problems are one of figuring how you need to live for how you need to feel.....and is'nt that just what youre doing by visiting PB ?
poster:omega man
thread:25008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020531/msgs/25386.html