Posted by kid_A on May 24, 2002, at 18:44:59
First, this is med related, and yet it isn't. There's not too much logic in that statement, but trust me for a little bit...One of the worst places in the world to get information about meds are on the manufacturers website. First, if your looking for side effects you might as well make them up yourself because they all mostly sound the same, and some even contradict themselves in the same sentence... Be forwarned when you see both 'somnolence' and 'nervousness' listed in the same sentence...
Anywho... I've come up with a subtle way to figure out how good a med may be for you. It's a subjective task, but one that doesn't require any digging through boring testimonials or any kind of knowledge about medication whatsoever.
My method of a med's suitability to make you happy is just how happy the people on the manufacturers web page look... They are obviously NOT actors, so these beautiful well groomed people must be taking whatever medication is being featured... Lets take a look at some sites and see what we might expect.
1. Celexa http://www.celexa.com/
Okay, The biggest model, oops, I mean patient in this picture has a wry kind of smile that makes one ponder that she might be thinking "remember me, I'm that scary girl from the library who was reading all the Kay Redfield Jameson books; in that state I almost considered saying hello to you... well forget it loser boy, I'm better now"... The other miniscule girl on this site seems to have a smile that takes up 90% of her face, so god knows -she- must be happy...
2. Effexor http://www.effexor.com/
This one is pretty encouraging, despite the anoying pop-up notification about the information being valid only in the US of A. Here we have two lovers simply having a love-filled blast in the mind numbing back breaking task of painting something, anything, perhaps their love-shack or Gazebo... If you take a look the girlie has cute little cut off sleeves and the guy is happy despite getting paint all over himself... I don't know which one of these people is on the medication, or if they both are, but my bet is that it's the guy since he seems to be crushing the paintbrush into his shirt with good nature and apolmb... So far we can safely say that these meds not only make you happy, they also make you model cutie-pies!
3. Lamictal http://www.lamictal.com/
This site is under contruction, but little do they know we don't need their precious textual information to make our decision. As this medication is also perscribed for epilepsy it's a little confusing. Perhaps the green-shirted cutie on this page is happy because she's not spasmoticly thrashing about the floor... Hard to tell on this one...
4. Remeron http://www.remeron.com/
I think I actually got -more- depressed visiting this site than when I started. First, there were absolutely NO people at all on the main page, probably because they were all to stoned tired to show up, as has been my personal experience with Remeron... Rather the site gives you the choice of going to a) a bland doctors site that looks like you might be filling out a form to authorize a proctological exam, b) a consumer's site who's sole picture is of a person who looks like they are just about ready to end it all, and last and certainly least c) a usa-visitors link (which I have no idea what difference it contained from b), where the only pictures there are to look at are of JOY!!! boxes of Remeron... Nice job Organon, your website sapps my will to live...
5. Ambien http://www5.ambien.com/index.asp
I know this isn't an AD but well, since many of us have sleeping disorders, and I myself have a fondness for this memory destroying sleep aid, I thought I would include it. Plus it has a picture! so.. there you go. Unfortunatley its just a small picture of a woman asleep, but if that doesn't motivate you to try Ambien, I don't know what will. What more do you want, she's asleep!!! If you look to the right side, you can see a little Ambien pill snuggled all in some bed sheets which I thought was a nice touch, and at the top of the page is some animated gif of an upscale neighborhood full of two story houses one of which's lights keep going on and off. I think we can asume that this person is NOT on Ambien... I really didn't get any good vibes from the Ambien site, but it did make me kind of sleepy just perusing it...
6. Wellbutrin http://www.wellbutrin-sr.com/
Nothing on this site at all because alas, its being updated. Probably because they are lookig for models who aren't punching their fists through glass in some sort of Wellbutrin inspired rage... no dice on the Wellbutrin site.
7. Serzone http://www.serzone.com/
This one was a big downer too. It's also being "updated" but has the kindness to include the bold font disclaimer to read the "boxed WARNING regarding Liver Failure." eeep... Where are all the sexy people on Serzone!?
8. Prozac http://www.prozac.com/home.jsp
This one is kinda sketchy... If you move your mouse over the differnt topics you'll get various not-too-sexy looking people either sort-of-smiling, looking depresed, or leaning back playfully in their beach-chair... Honestly the most happy person besides the beach-chair lady on this site looks like a pharmacist or a doctor... Lilly should take a lesson from Wyeth Ayerst and have sexy models painting each other or something because this site was a bit of a let down...
9. Zoloft www.zoloft.com/default.asp
I'd like to tell you how effective Zoloft might be for you but their site is completely inaccessable... Good job guys, just when I was thinking of switching. Maybe there is some information in that default "The page cannot be displayed" page that I get... I will never know... Zoloft has been disqualified from the race!!!
10. Zyprexa http://www.zyprexa.com/
Now were into the dregs... This page only features a teeny tiny photo of North Eastern United States WASPs who look like they are DEFINITELY NOT schizophrenic nor suffering from bipolar disorder... They do look they might be on their way out to order some clam chowder or crab cakes, but THEY ARE NOT CRAZY... next...
Well, I've run out of ideas, and the sites have started to make me more depressed then when I started so I guess it's time to figure out a winner in this l'il race of ours... I think we can basically narrow it down to the first three sites, Celexa, Effexor + Lamictal as the other sites were basically a wash on the happy vibes, not to mention the fact that the Remeron site almost had me reaching for the Samaritans Hotline number..
Okay, lets do this like they do those bubble-headed beauty pageants, in reverse order so we name the winner last...
3rd. Celexa. Despite the face encompasing smile of the small person on this page, the wry sarcastic looking smile of the larger more noticable person was simply offputting... Okay so you're happy, rub it in our noses why don't you... Geez this site needs to ditch the hubris and learn a thing called humility...
2nd. Woo, it was a tuff call and might I say that there are no real losers in this contest, just the losers who cant conquer their horible bouts of depression and wind up smiling and sexy on a medical web site... (SIGH)... I think this site had the mystery and the intrique, plus at least one sexy dame who seemed not to have a trouble or spazm in the world... which leads us to... ta da...
1st! Well it was a tuff race, but I think we all know who came out on top here. You have to hand it to Wyeth Ayerst for coming up with a site that DID NOT feature users trying to claw their eyeballs out and crouching in a fetal position on the floor as was my experience with the first six months or more of Effexor... Sexy people seemingly unaffected by the meddlesome chore of painting AND painting each other at the same time simply put this medication well ahead of everyone else... Plus the cutey-cute cut off sleeves on the girlie-girl helped too... Effexor, My hat goes off to you!!!
I hope everyone has enjoyed this as much as I didn't, and I hope that you can now all make positive, informed decicions about just exactly what medication is right for you.
-TIC at Large... Kid A
poster:kid_A
thread:24537
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020523/msgs/24537.html