Posted by terra miller on May 13, 2002, at 22:21:48
In reply to Re: Part Two » terra miller, posted by paxvox on May 13, 2002, at 18:28:01
sometimes you can do the ol' opposite of what you want thing (what's that called? can't remember)
if your wife has a tendency towards stubbornness (which is good, i think... it's a sign of a good fighter/determination) you might try writing some links down on paper and giving them to her while saying, "you probably won't think this is very helpful." or "i wrote these down for you if you are ever interested, but it doesn't matter to me if you check them out or not."
the point is: if she feels there are strings attached to you, then she might not do it. but if you present them to her with no strings attached, then that gives her the opportunity to look them up herself on her own time. she might do it sooner than later if you present it that way. but that depends on what her temperament is.
you also might want to make sure that she's got time alone to process. again, don't make it seem like you are doing her a favor or she's probably not going to like your approach. but if you just leave her alone if it seems she's deep in thought, she might go looking for support if she thinks she's safe to do it without you watching her.
many abuse survivors have spent their entire lives hiding. they hid when they were little, physically. they hid mentally even remembering what happened as they grew. now that they are in recall, they still want to hide.
i never let my spouse see me participate on line. the minute i thought he was coming in the room, i shut down the computer.
running scared runs deep and is hard to break.
take whatever is useful from this.
~terra
poster:terra miller
thread:23499
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020509/msgs/23717.html