Posted by DinahM on April 24, 2002, at 8:46:15
In reply to Re: It's hard to live with the consequences. » DinahM, posted by Penny on April 24, 2002, at 8:15:13
>
> Please don't leave us, Dinah. I agree with what others have posted about being able to relate to you extremely well. I think the world of you. You have been so supportive to me when I've needed it most. I want to do the same for you...
>
> Love,
> PennyThank you Penny. I have tried to be supportive, but I also periodically melt down and make a scene that makes other people uncomfortable. It kind of hurts when old friends avoid me, but I don't blame them at all. I blame myself for having the meltdowns. I don't seem to be able to stop doing this on this board because as Dinah I have more access to my feelings than I do as the stilted automaton I am in real life. The automaton I became in order to control the meltdowns, and the only way I seem to be able to control them - to wall off my emotional side.
I wish I could say I will stick around, but I don't know that I can. My therapist has a new assignment that will take him out of town one week in four indefinitely. I am terrified that next he will be unable to see me at all, and that fear is probably part of the feeling of aloneness and isolation I feel. At any rate, this board causes me to regress, I project a lot on it, and in general it makes me feel more alive, and therefore makes me far more likely to melt down. And with him being unavailable 25% of the time, I am trying to eliminate causes of meltdown in my life. I would be more likely to try again, because I do enjoy meeting people like you Penny, if I weren't so worried about what to do when I have a meltdown and he isn't available.
Thanks for the kind words. :)
Dinah
poster:DinahM
thread:22483
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020422/msgs/22539.html