Posted by IsoM on April 4, 2002, at 12:55:35
In reply to i just feel lost and alone (nm), posted by LiLi80 on April 4, 2002, at 9:08:45
Lili, there's many wonderful people in this world who are perceived by others as awful people. I'm going to ramble a bit but please bear with me. There's solid logic & understanding behind this.
Just like wild Nature ouside humans' realm, people can be broken down into prey & predator groups. It's not clear-cut because just like Nature, some smaller predators can be a larger predator's meal.
The "predator" class of people are those who unconsciously (for the most part) look for others that can be used. Many don't even realise they do this but they seek out friends & relationships with people who can boost their egos. They'll take whatever - emotional, material, social status, etc, from their friends, the 'prey', as they need to.
Others without being aware of it are "prey". They give off unspoken messages that are quickly picked up by the "predators" that shows they can be leached off of. The prey can be truly wonderful people in many ways, but they tend to be emotionally needy & will put up with so much mental/physical/social/emotional drainage (abuse even) from others just to feel needed & to feel like they belong. My poor Mom is wonderful but she's "prey". I feel it's my duty to encourage her as much as possible to stand up for herself. She never got a chance while she was growing up or married.
But the poor "prey" becomes drained & feels it. They'll start hating the people who wear them down at the same time they continue to give to these same ones. The become desperate & don't understand what's going on, feeling (like you) that they must be horrible people because when they protest or finally try to stand for their rights, their "predatory" friends turn on them.
The people who are strongly predator never seek out emotionally strong/self-confident people to befriend. They won't get anything from those relationships. If they attempt to take, the strong "non-prey" will expect something back in the way of support, love, comittment, etc. I liken thses strong ones to "elephants". They form bonds among other strong people & aren't targeted by the "predators". But unless someone brings their attention to the "prey", they don't notice them either. I believe the great humanitarians are those "elephants" who've been woken up to the plight of others, or have lived among "prey" & seen first-hand their sufferings.
You, dear Lili are probably viewed as "prey" by your former "predator" friends & acquaintances. You're not a horrible person AT ALL! The "predators" are just angry for their "prey" is turning around & fighting back. Even rabbits will fight, claw & bite when backed into a corner. Your 'friends' don't like seeing your teeth - you're not an easy target anymore.
There's many fine people who would be great friends - you now need to know how to recognise them but in the situration that you're in, you're too fragile to go the extra mile. If you read Robin's Suicide Notes, you'll understand. Later, you'll be able to find friends that will last a life-time. I can promise you that.
poster:IsoM
thread:21405
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020403/msgs/21417.html