Posted by Penny on March 28, 2002, at 14:37:59
In reply to Re: I'm falling apart..., posted by k9lover on March 28, 2002, at 14:15:15
> My pdoc is away for 6 days. Took self to hospital once already this week - unable to control suicidal thinking. Don't want to return there if I can help it... feeling quite dark.
Jan,
Are you taking anything? Do you have a therapist? Did they admit you, even temporarily?Are you up to reading a book? Or part of a book? It's called "Suicide: the forever decision" by Paul G. Quinnett. It's written in a very matter-of-fact, no bullshit kinda way, and it's gotten me through some hard times. Wish I could bring it to you myself. Also, a good website to help get you through is http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/. I've read that page so many times, I should have it memorized.
Whatever you are doing...do SOMETHING. Try to keep yourself busy. If you need to go to the hospital, go. If you want to eat, eat. Go to a movie, get out of the house. Try to not be alone (even though I know that's exactly what you want right now).
I KNOW how you're feeling. I go back and forth from there all the time. And it's scary. But you can get through it. Take it hour by hour or minute by minute.
My grandfather committed suicide in November. I was in a really dark place myself at that time, but it somewhat shocked me out of it (as odd as that might sound). And, even though much of my family sucks, a way that I get through some of my hard times is by thinking of how much his suicide hurt me. And I KNOW that you probably think that everyone would be better off without you. I know that I do when I feel that way. But if you can think of one, just ONE, thing to live for, or to keep trying for, it might help just an eensy bit. For me, it's my dogs. Judging by your screen name, that might be the key for you too.
If you need to chat, feel free to email me at penny1076@yahoo.com, or post on the board. I'll try to check in as often as I can.
Penny
poster:Penny
thread:21081
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020325/msgs/21133.html