Posted by wendy b. on March 4, 2002, at 20:51:11
In reply to Re: Haven't been posting. Addictive relatonship, posted by Zo on March 4, 2002, at 19:23:36
Well, Phil, I haven't been posting at all lately, but I came across your missive on a brief visit to PSB, and --- well, you know I've always had a crush on you (so how bad could you be?).
So I'm sorry for you. I have been 'the other woman' in a relationship, so I know what it's like to sneak around and shit like that. It sucks. He eventually left his wife for me, I didn't know it at the time, but when your lover shows up at your door with a suitcase and tells you he's left her (in your case, him), don't let them in. I could have saved four years of my young life. And the worst thing was, I was only 22 when it started, I knew it wasn't going to work out...
Sounds like you were almost dissociating when you wrote those nasty e-mails. Have you ever cut, or dissociated like that ever before? Sounds like a big WHOOSH release of some bile from waayyy long ago. And sometimes it comes out and you can't help it. And like someone else said, I'm happier for you that it came out than it stayed in. We work so hard at keeping it all down, you know? It's so tiring to do it, but we do it. And if we just had been able to let it out, at the right time and at the people who made us so angry in the first place, rather than this poor woman who you projected all this shit onto, we'd be better able to deal with the pressure valve...
And just for the record, your mistress participated in something she knew was going to be destructive. So when I say "poor woman" above, it was just to make the point. She must have known you were the perfect man to have an affair with... don't you think that happens sometimes? We see the Other, the Object (with a capital O) coming from miles off. And she wanted the fireworks, at least unconsciously. She will survive. And she has the spouse waiting in the wings, you just have to go home and deal with your shit alone (although you do have the cat and the llama, right?) So make your peace, talk to the therapists and the group, see what they have to offer. Let us know what they say...
I'm sorry you've had this awful shit surface, but trust me, there was a reason for it all to have happened, now it's time to learn from it and grow as a human being.
much love,
Wendy
poster:wendy b.
thread:19169
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020223/msgs/19281.html