Posted by shelliR on December 30, 2001, at 21:44:02
In reply to Re: Pick your battles wisely, posted by bonnie_ann on December 28, 2001, at 18:12:10
>
> Thank you for your advice. After I stewed over it a day I told my husband that I didn't want her buying gifts anymore. His reply was that "It made his day" I immediately told him that I want to be the one making his day. And that It wasn't her place to buy him gifts. He said OK and that was it- no arguement - and I was ready to go at it with him if he objected.
> We'll see what happens.
> It's just that I feel being a Mom and having to make sure he eats his dinner and brushes his teeth,wakes up for school, changes his underwear- (he has a thing for not changing it) cleans his room and does his homework- doesn't much "make his day". Some of the time he says I'm mean and I don't do this or that for him you know? It's all insecurity on my part. I know he says it in frustration. I worry he may compare me to her, and I don't think that I'm good enough- she'd be better for him...... whatever. Then there's the other part of me that will fight it and be mad just so I don't have to be afraid.
> Whatever -
> Thanks,
> BonnieHi Bonnie,
First, I'll ask a question: are you in any type of counseling or therapy?
I'll throw out something that I don't think I've ever thrown out before on this board. It seems to me that counseling (group or individual) might benefit you a lot.
The reason it comes to mind is because you threw out a situation, and were given some excellent advice by several posters--to pick your battles carefully. Yet, still you choose to go with your insecurity.
There could never be too many people to show caring or love to a child. Someone else's caring or manifestation of caring could never diminish your own.
Your son is only young once--it just occurs to me that you might benefit from having someone around to discuss ways to handle your insecurity that wouldn't affect your son or your marriage. (I think you might feel some shame when your son is a young adult and finds out that you put a stop to presents he was getting from his step brother's mom, because of your own insecurity.)
Insecurity isn't something that should be managed by "controlling" situations. It should be managed by your head, until it can be worked out in your heart and your mind.
If my advice feelings demeaning or cold, just ignore it, please. It's not at all meant that way; there's some saying that I can't exactly remember, but it has to do with heeding advise. Something about ignoring the first, paying attention to the second and taking seriously something by the time three people agree. So I am the third to see your situation very similarly as the last two posters.
Take care,
Shelli
poster:shelliR
thread:15861
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011216/msgs/16055.html