Posted by Dinah on December 17, 2001, at 19:22:54
In reply to Re: So sad., posted by wendy b. on December 16, 2001, at 22:19:52
Wendy,
Your support really means a lot to me. I couldn't believe the statement about choosing to feel bad. It really is unlike him.
I think maybe his regular clientele doesn't include many cutters. I called him today about my concerns about Friday's appt. and he told me that he didn't have any advice about what to do, since he never has any idea what sets me off and sends me into a downward spiral. Ordinarily, I would agree with him. I have no idea either. He gave me the option of seeing him today, but that was impossible. I'll decide by Thursday whether to see him Friday or not.
Actually, if he keeps acting this way, he will do a pretty good job of destroying my ("her") trust in him. I think that would be my only realistic chance of quitting therapy with him from my end. And if I keep acting this way, he may well terminate me (and it would feel like termination in The Sopranos sort of way, so I really hope that doesn't happen).
I can't tell you how I fear him terminating me. I dream about it, I obsess about it, I keep asking for reassurance from him. It's likely to become a self fulfilling prophecy.
As you can see, I am not the easiest client either, and he earns every bit of his fee. I guess I can't blame him for occasionally getting fed up with me.
The good new is I have made a firm promise to myself not to cut anymore, which I have never before done. I don't make promises lightly so there is a very good chance that I won't cut anymore.
I've babbled on too long again.
Thanks for listening.
Dinah
poster:Dinah
thread:15586
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011216/msgs/15716.html