Posted by ArtChee on December 14, 2001, at 9:18:24
In reply to Desperate-what's left?, posted by Chloe on December 7, 2001, at 18:47:25
Hi, Chloe -- "I share your pain" I have battled chronic depression for over 25 years, as well. Medications only make matters worse; more depressing when you go thru all the #@*&?&%*# side effects. A long list of therapists, counselors, psychiatrists, psychic counselors = NOTHING.
Here is ONE thing that is left: When you inadvertantly place your hand too close to the flame, you feel the pain. Pain is a signal that something is wrong & needs immediate attention. The same is for emotional pain. Depression is your signal that something is wrong, and needs fixin'.
Medication cannot fix it. Maybe cover it up for a while. The depression tells us that we are doing something wrong, and we need to examine it and find a way to correct it.
I'm 62, and all my adult life I have tried to "be responsible" and "do the right thing." I have tried to act in such a way to honor my parents, provide for my wife and daughters, and -- to a great extent -- I did all of that. So why to I feel so worthless?
In my conscentrated efforts to control my life circumstances, I have blocked & supressed my "inner self;" my feelings. When someone would slightly suggest that something I did was "wrong," I would become agitated -- irritated, upset, & even angry; altho I felt expressing anger was "uncivilized" and "juvenile." Those negative feels were the PAIN that my life was too close to the fire; HELL.
Into my Life, from practically nowhere, came a book written by a Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul. Mr. Zukav showed me that when I attempt to control my external life circumstances, I block the flow of my natural energies. All of these years I have denied who I really am, attempting to be the person I THOUGHT that I SHOULD be.
The person I THOUGHT I should be succeeded in all aspects EXCEPT making himself happy with his Lincoln Town Car, big screen TV, two homes, etc., etc., etc. It has carried me as far as I want to go. I NOW want to know what's inside. The SEAT OF THE SOUL tells me that I must stop & pay attention to the emotional pain that causes the depression. Depression is not a natural part of me - OR YOU. It is a mistake on my part, and I need to focus in on it and CHALLENGE it. AND, since it has not served me well, diminish it and FORGIVE it.
I haven't come to realize yet exactly how to do that, but A LARGE DOOR HAS OPENED ITSELF TO ME. I see a small but intense LIGHT way down the long hallway that I must find my way down. I no longer wish to contend with these negative energies.
The Christ told us that "The Kingdom of God (Heaven) is within you." (King James Version) ... that "I am the TRUTH, the WAY, and the LIGHT." After 62 years & reading THE SEAT OF THE SOUL, I know understand what Jesus was TRYING to tell me. My work now is to get in touch with MY TRUTH, and learn to greet my World with COMPASSION and LOVE, rather than thru INSECURITIES, SELF-DOUBT, FEAR, and ANGER. I have spent my entire adult life banging my head against a brick wall, but no more.
I would wish for you to find a copy of The Seat of the Soul, & grasp the essence of it as I have. I have maybe 20 or 25 years to seek my Truth; you have maybe 55 or 60!!! GO FIND IT!! Use whatever medication that can give you some mental & spiritual clarity, but only as a means of doing this important work.
May you forever walk in your LIGHT. Do not keep your Light under a basket, let it SHINE as the World may see.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HANUKKAH, WONDERFUL RAMADAN, and may 2002 awaken you to the SPIRIT that is within.
poster:ArtChee
thread:15198
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011207/msgs/15526.html