Posted by tina on December 5, 2001, at 21:12:26
In reply to Re: Cutting Anything Else Feel Good? » tina, posted by IsoM on December 5, 2001, at 19:38:57
Oh yeah IsoM, I need the blood too. I started out as a puncher and still enjoy the feeling of punching walls and other hard objects until I can see and feel the warm blood running down my hands and dripping on the ground. Same with the cutting. I love the feel of the blood and the pain. I push myself harder each time because my pain threshold gets higher each time. I prefer the punching of walls but I cut and scratch and burn too. For me, there's a lot of self-punishment feelings involved too. I am a spoiled brat from way back and I guess, since no one punished me for the nasty things I did and sometimes still do, I punish myself. I believe I am not a very nice or smart or attractive person so I need to be punished for that. No one agrees with me so I punish myself.
But I gotta say, I love the feeling of watching the blood run. It's warm. Sometimes its my only proof of life.
> Thanks for letting me know, Tina. I didn't realise pain was part of it. Just another question - is seeing the blood flow part of it too, or could you substitute pain without actually getting cut?
>
> My good feeling comes from pulling whatever I've picked off. Pain doesn't enter into it at all. I'm just the sort of person who's always looking for an answer to something, how to fix things. I'm a woman but I'm told I tend to think like a guy - you know how women will just listen to someone's problems, but a guy tries to fix it? That's me. I had to play the part of mother & father so I had to fit both roles.
>
> > IsoM
> > For ME anyway, it wouldn't be the same at all. Not satisfying. I need to 'feel' it myself. It's not the simple act of cutting, it's the release, the pain is the part I personally like. It distracts, releases and makes tangible what seems ghostly, intangible.
> > It's very hard to explain. Cutting something else just wouldn't suffice. Not in my case.
> > No question is stupid, I just don't know how to answer yours.
> >
> >
> > > This may seem like the most ignorant question in the world to those who cut themselves, but I have no idea, & I figure only those who feel this way can answer it.
> > >
> > > My question is - If you're preparing a meal & have to cut vegetables or more so, meat, does it ever give a similar feel of satisfaction or relaxation like cutting yourself does?
> > >
> > > The reason I'm asking is that I'm a picker - I've managed to keep it enough under control that I just pick at the skin at the sides of my nails - sometimes till it bleeds. But I've found that if my fingers are busy picking away at other things, it feels just as satisfying. Not all things feel the same, it has to have a 'certain feel' to it & a resistance to be pulled off but I can substitute inanimate things for the feeling.
> > >
> > > I was wondering if cutting into pieces of meat or something with a certain give would help satisfy those cravings or needs without injuring yourself.
> > >
> > > Please forgive me if this question seems stupid. Not being a cutter, I'm not sure how exactly you feel about something. I'm not trying to take a holier-than-you approach - just looking for a substitute.
poster:tina
thread:14653
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011130/msgs/15012.html