Posted by dreamer on November 2, 2001, at 21:04:28
Ever feel really well then get miserable cause you feel cheated by life, time wasted being ill.
I say to myself that on my death bed I do not want to feel regret the what if.
I feel lucky sometimes that I get a taste of well being as I am not always depressed.I spent 15 years drinking to xcess cus of my self and have no need to drink cause it reminds me of all them ugly years .
Now I'm addicted to getting high the natural high of my weird bipolar so I'm in conflict struggling to remain in that state.
I'm used to the chaos so probably a part of me doesn't want to get well-whatever that is, or maybe I am well but haven't learnt the skills of living.When i awoke tonight the moon shone bright and the stars were visible all was fresh and welcoming i felt compelled to go out and relish the moments then my miserable side made excuses.
Is it really going to take my whole life to change my self and for what for someone else to reap the benefits of my confusion in my art.
I find it difficult to embrace the stereo-type suffer for art.....maybe it's best to remain on planet frukkit.dreamer standing at the universal signpost.
poster:dreamer
thread:13368
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011025/msgs/13368.html