Posted by sar on September 10, 2001, at 0:25:45
In reply to Re: Kazoo Sar - how this feels, posted by Mair on September 9, 2001, at 22:14:22
> >
> > Sar - you mean my inclination to say something like "is your habit of not recognizing me in public for your benefit or for mine because if it's for mine don't bother because i don't care about stuff like that" carries with it too much an an edge? (particularly when stated with barely concealed annoyance)well, i think this is a strange situation. it's an odd thing to discuss with a pdoc/therp--discussing terms/bounds of relationships is weird in *any* situation. i wonder if someone is my boyfriend. i wonder if someone is my best friend. but i can't ask...it just works itself out...you know, if it were *me* being ignored, i'd just waved, grin, say "hey you!" and breeze right by.
You're young but wise beyond your years. I think it bugs me that she is only my pdoc and not someone with whom I have a therapeutic relationship. She doesn't know much more about me than my internist does and she's (my internist) very friendly when we cross paths.mental issues are so touchy. it's getting better culturally, but discussing depression is much different from discussing like, a heart murmur...
I think I'm also bother by the inference you raised that I'm going to try to get too close.
no, no i wasn't inferring that at all! i am sorry you misunderstood. all i'm saying is that they don't know *how* you're going to be. you know how when you initially make a friend, and you don't know whether they're the type to call once a week or 5 times a day? you can't tell about those things sometimes! i'm the same way, i've always been rather reserved, and would feel intrusive for calling my psych up to just talk, and i certainly never would just in the street. what i'm saying is, psychs deal with other types--how could they possibly know how you'll react when you see them?
i will tell you something very personal yeah RIGHT HERE ON THE INTERNET (i feel comfy and kindof anonymous here)--i was a stripper at 18 and 19 and saw customers in public somewhat regularly--i *still* see them somewhat occasionally, and i avoid eye contact and walk by as quickly as possible, because when i'm on the street i'm *me,* not my job--and though they deal with you on a very intimate level, i can see how they might want to do some damage control, even if none is needed. i didn't mean to insinuate anything; i'm sorry you took it that way.
My last pdoc used to periodically call me to check up on me, so uncertain was he that I'd ever initiate any contact with him even in the worst emergency. ( I am also the same person who was forced to consume at least 2 sessions with my current therapist being convinced that there were times that it was appropriate and necessary that i call her at home. I had told her, after all, in total seriousness, that I couldn't see calling her unless i actually was pointing a gun at my head, because why should I bother her if I wasn't actually going to hurt myself) Disrespecting boundaries is so not me.i feel exactly the same way. my favorite psych gave me her home # when she had to take care of her sick son, but i couldn't bear to call. she had this cute family photo perched on her desk and i didn't want to be some loony calling while she was trying to take care of a sick toddler, or eating dinner, or reading a book, etc etc! i was just saying that not everyone is like that, and i can see why docs feel they might have to protect themselves (the same way lots of women carry pepper spray though most men aren't muggers or rapists). do you see what i'm saying? i'm trying to explain myself in detail because i feel you misunderstood what i wrote.
Also if someone's really trying not to acknowledge you, it seems like they're looking right through you which is disconcerting to say the least. I don't want anyone to have an "oh shit" reaction just because they bump into me. It seems so childish. Ah well - I'm sure i'll work this out with her.
talk to her about it...if you feel comfortable enough to get it off your mind for awhile, maybe you could just be the social smoovie next time and graciously acknowledge her without conversation, keep moving...
please let us know how this turns out.
sar
poster:sar
thread:10908
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010909/msgs/11070.html