Posted by Elzabeth on September 3, 2001, at 19:24:12
In reply to Re: Thanks Everybody ... » Elzabeth, posted by Wendy B. on September 3, 2001, at 9:30:34
> > Thanks everybody. Sure do appreciate your suggestions .... Someone asked awhile back for a few more details (and I apologize, I didn't explain things very well). I teach by day -- I think I can muddle my way through this. But by night, at least from mid-September until mid-December, I've been asked to run a dance program. It's only one night a week, and there are therapeutic benefits to be sure -- but I just don't have it in me. It's a bit late to bow out now, and I'd be doing the dance studio a big disservice. These are the folks I was hemming and hawwing over. (Spelling?) I also volunteer in the nursery at the Y one night a week in exchange for a free membership, and -- I'm not even getting over to the Y to work out -- let alone finding strength and energy enough to look after the little ones .... That's another area I think I should get out of. It's just the dance thing, that I've been stewing over. That's the one that's been the major problem area. I've let it go too long, and already they've been asking can I "do this," and can I "do that," and I'm -- I'm wanting to resign. I just can't take on anything more. I'm wondering -- I'm thinking -- I can probably make it through December -- I'm just feeling -- it's too late -- too late -- at this point to tell them I made a mistake. They'll never be able to find another instructor by September 13th .... Thanks though. And -- obviously -- I've gotta talk with my doc. It helps to talk with you guys, by the way. Thanks. XXX, E.
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> Elzabeth,
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> OK, I think some of us understand better now...
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> 1) No need to go into detail, just say you've been ill, and leave it at that.
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> 2) Go to see your dr. or p-doc right away, or at least check in by phone. Those nasty images of hanging yourself need to be talked through with someone. If you need to, please post more here so we can talk to you & try to help.
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> 3) Do not take on any more activities. I understand this one very well. Taking on more than I could reasonably do, and then feeling HORRIBLE and guilty about it when I couldn't come through for people (which was a lot of the time) was getting to be standard practice for me. I FORCED myself to stop. I was volunteering for two different organizations, one having to do with my daughter's school, one with my professional organization, and I had to punt both of them. When I did, I finally felt free to focus on some of my own issues, without having that nagging feeling that I was letting other people down, like there was always some phone call I hadn't made, or some amount of money I hadn't raised. I tried to justify like hell the supposed benefits to myself that the volunteer work was giving me (fundraising, experience on an exec. board), but in truth, it was just a drain. I had already spent a lifetime trying to please everyone else, so I had to decide to please just me.
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> 4) So tell the dance studio that YOU HAVE GOTTEN ILL. (see #1 above). What can they say to you? 'Oh, you have not?' You do not have to do this class. You are sick. And, as with any other sickness, you need time to recover and get well. So you will have to just bow out gracefully. They will HAVE TO find another teacher. You are not irreplaceable. I know it will be very very hard to say this to these people, but you have to find something in you that you can reach down into, and just find that courage to do it. If you are upset with yourself because you feel you are letting other people down, just think: I am letting myself down (& my family, friends, lover, etc) if I do not take the time I need to get well. My needs come first right now.
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> 5) With the volunteering at the Y, you will just have to do the same thing. You are not using the gym now anyway, so you are not losing anything. The Y will find someone else to do it, they do it all the time. Give yourself a break!
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> 6) People who work with kids have to remember that they can burn out very easily. If you are a teacher, it is very draining physically and emotionally, whatever grade level you teach. You have so much curriculum planning to do, you have the kids on your mind all the time, you get involved in their little lives... you do, they are real people with real issues and problems and concerns and parents, etc.
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> 7) So I would just say (since teachers have pretty good benefits plans, generally) that you might think about talking to someone in your teachers' union who deals with benefits, after you see your doctor. Find out how much sick time you have accrued. Discuss what short-term disability benefits you have. The school system has ways to find substitutes for you, they do this all the time, should you take either of these options. You may just need some time off so you can get your focus back...
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> I wish you well, and hope you will let us know how it is going. I feel for you. Try to slap yourself (!) :-) next time somebody asks you to do just one extra thing and remember: you are not allowing other people to be more important than you are to yourself.
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> All the best, & don't forget to call the doctor,
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> Wendy* * * *
Wendy, Susan, Mair -- thanks for the great care (and tremendous support) in posting such encouraging words. I wrote an earlier reply here, but as I'm not seeing it posted here, guess I'm STILL learning the ropes in how to write and respond in Babble Land. Anyhow -- thank you thank you thank you. This is just what I needed.
I wanted to let you know that since hearing from you I've already contacted the dance studio -- and after all your encouragment above -- it wasn't that hard to do. Thank you friends! I've already received a reply, and everything's okay.
Everything's okay.
Next on my list? The Y. After that? My doc.
I'm tempted to ask for a drug holiday. After reading about some of the horrors other folks have experienced on the medication I'm trying ... I'd just like to know what I'm like ... back at my baseline self. You know?
Makes me think of the Jefferson Starship song. Or was it the Airplane? "One pill makes you big, and one pill makes you small ..."
Only in my case, one pill makes me rage, and one pill makes me cry, and one makes me suicidal and ... goodness, will we ever get it right?
Thanks for being there for me. Thanks for everything.
Much love. XXX, E.
poster:Elzabeth
thread:10679
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010901/msgs/10750.html