Posted by sar on August 16, 2001, at 14:05:00
In reply to Re: to my pal » sar, posted by Wendy B. on August 15, 2001, at 1:54:30
> Sar,
> sorry i didn't get to answer you sooner, i was away for a couple of days...
that's allright, chica...> >drinking and driving is much easier. oh, this is just horrible. i'm saying awful things, i know. i've had a few sober nights since the accident, thank god i work 'til midnight sometimes and come home exhausted.
>
>
> i know what you mean when you say that drinking & driving is easier. the driving part, anyway. please do the deep breathing thing or whatever you can to stay safe and avoid the six-packs.
> did you say that you worked in a bar, on another post, that's why it came so easy to drink? funny, but i start working in a winery, v. part-time. i have to pour taste-tests of various wines for customers. my wage is v. low, but who cares? i get 30% off bottles, so long live the light, crisp dry white! i don't drink a lot anymore, so that white may turn into my self-medication of choice, it'll be cheaper than dope with the discount.oh wendy, bay...shit, here you are trying to help me out but you've gone yrself involved in a winery?! do you have an alcohol issue? (that sounds so official, but you know what i mean.) have you heard The Pharcyde (a hip-hop group)--"the bud not the beer cuz the bud makes you wiser..." well, if you can control yoursel, drink a really thick merlot for me. or a syrah. and watch yourself!!!!!
>
> so many things at once... try fixing just one thing at a time, the urge is to get all better all at once, but it's too much of a shock on your system, babe. plz sloooowwww dooowwwwnnnn.i know. i am avidly chewing nicorette right now. smoking bothers me more than the drinking, because i feel i'm more addicted to smoking. i'm on the patch too, so there's no shock to my system, it's just the doing-something-with-your-hands aspect i miss...i'd already stopped taking breaks at work to avoid smoking...cigs are just nasty. i'm too vain to remain a smoker anyway.
> speaking of fixing things, i'm sorry about the insurance shit, it's a crime. you have to have a therapist whom you actively choose. frankly, i'll go to any qualified internist or family medicine practice, but it's only natural that i want to take part in choosing the individual whom i will be seeing and spilling my guts out to once a week until doomsday...
yeah!! see my post to Shelli above.> the next rant is the klonopin thing... what a ridiculous set of steps they're making you dance to in order to get it. if it is helping you, then it's a hit! if the idiot doesn't get it (try printing out some of the best threads on psy-babble regarding klonopin being safe, and take them to your doc), then it's off to another shrink... hopefully without them calling your behavior 'drug-seeking.'
klonopin is like orange juice and tea in the morning. i simply can't do without it. i don't abuse it, and those psych fuckers got me started on it anyway, i don't know why they now want to put me in the position of "addiction" or "drug-seeking behavior"...the klonopin was *their* idea!!>
> i hope so too... although it's probably not as simple as getting un-depressed. the other stuff is *very* good, i mean it. buying cute clothes is good for the ego. i've been showing off my post-depressed body, post-breakup body, this summer. sounds stupid, but for $7 i can get all the polyester i want at the local target (pronounced "tar-jhay"). seriously, i was in shopping heaven. that's how much better i am, too, i can actually enjoy simple shit like that...a friend of mine tells me that tar-jhay now sells mossimmo! i agree with you, it really does make a difference. for awhile i used to not care that i was dirty, smelly grungy etc...but having a job has kicked my ass to dress and smell decently. if i start shaving my legs and painting my toenails on a regular basis, i may consider myself even more cured.
> c'mon, the bhodisatva doesn't need to get high, does she? listen to your true buddha-nature, breathe from deep inside the belly,
> etc.
> etc.
>
who is the bhodisatva?
> >i have crushes now, i don't feel hollow anymore..
>
>
> crushes are important, we need fantasy objects, we're not yet ready for prime time. my latest crush is my pharmacist, v. cute guy, especially when he hasn't shaved for a couple of days, he's probably a little younger than me, but so much the better... he worked a miracle with my neurontin scrip last week, i'll do anything for my mood-stabilizers, baby, and i do mean *any*thing. oh pharmacist dude!
> should i ask him out for coffee? (or a pain-killer?)
oh yeah, just go up to him and say, "how 'bout some vicodin and vin rouge?" (or vin blanc, in your case). lets just CHILL baby!! hey, younger guys--what do you think? how old are you? thirties, right? all the twenty-something guys i know love thirty-something women. work it, babe.> another nagging entreaty: will you plz stop stealing beer! shit, girl, after the car accident, and the fines or probation or whatever, you cannot afford to go on doing that! cease and desist...
i know i know! but what am i to do after midnight with $0.23 and a bicycle to my name? i think the meds have helped make me more relaxed about stealing (bad). i don't do it the way i used to, but the other night i did stick a bottle of beer down my pants.
>
> you mean you don't think i *could* get rowdy? i'm a BP I / taurus - passion is slow and seething, and then it's all over the place, so look out! babe...
aw shit, BP I? you can certainly get rowdy. but taurus? that's an earth sign. you must be very balanced. taureans tend to be very grounded. (i am trying to envision a manic taurean--you must give me a description.)
> > you up for a catfight or somethin?
>
> oh no... my spiritual guide sez: catfights are for the old me. hours-long, long-distance posting on psychobabble is about the only thing my buddha-nature requires of me at this time...
yeah, me too. okay, no catfights for now.
> i do care about you, as do all the others: kid_a, shelli, kingfish, marie, greg, etc...i'm feeling better on this board. i have my own thread! woohoo! it is v. nice to speak honestly about all of this and get support...
xox back and back again,
sar
poster:sar
thread:8990
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010812/msgs/9726.html