Posted by AKC on August 12, 2001, at 20:20:46
In reply to Re: More on aloneness, posted by mila on August 12, 2001, at 17:47:02
mila,
Thanks for your caring response -- I have interjected my thoughts.
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> i do not think that you have done it to yourself. Much of your social isolation/aloneness has been brought upon you by depression which is obviously something next to impossible to control by sheer will. The horrible paradox of depression is that it makes us avoid people, and that being surrounded by loving and caring people helps us heal and survive the depression. Those who are lucky have friends who stick with them throughout the decades of depression and rages. Others I guess have to pray that the medication will pull them out of hell and give them their extraversion back.
>I do understand that the depression has added to my isolation and aloneness. And it sure has made it difficult to reach out and make new friends here in KC (where I just moved two years ago). However, I made the very conscious decision some years ago, because of some bad advice, to cut off from a group of friends completely. That decision haunts me to this day -- in AA lingo it is a regret of the past. And, I made another decision, a good one I believe, to turn my back on fundamentalistic Christianity -- a place where I had many, many friends. Ever since those two decisions, I have never had friends the same as then.
> BHW,What does "BHW" stand for?
if I were you, I would still go out and treat myself with a nice dinner. Chat with people in bar, sit at the nice table, be served, have a small talk with the waitress, be surrounded by murmurs of other people... all this will be a relief and a gift on their own. Friends are cool, but other people around us can also be very nice to have. Just exchanging a few words or a short conversation with someone sitting on the same bench in the park has always been very pleasant to me.
I don't want you to think I am without any contacts. I actually have several people who care for me in AA and Alanon -- I think I am just reaching out to the wrong people, like this person who canceled the dinner plans. One of the only reasons I am going to AA and Alanon is for the socialization -- I have met some of the most caring, wonderful people. Also a few jerks, but I know how to duck and run. This particular friend is someone who happens to be a lesbian and I don't have too many lesbian friends. I continue to hope to make more connections in the lesbian community, so I have tried to nuture this connection. I am going to have to try other avenues.
I will be honest -- even when I am at my best, I don't do well with strangers. It takes a lot for me to talk to strangers. I admire someone like you who can talk with people you meet in a restaurant or elsewhere -- I think that is neat.
> I also happen to know a couple of gourgeous masseuses with soothing hands, melodic voices, and strong but gentle personalities. One hour on their table ... and I smile for days afterwards. my body remembers... would you like to give it a try?
>I definitely could use a massage. I have been considering that a lot lately. Do you know someone in KC? Is a masseuse always female (let me demonstrate my ignorance)?
Again, thank you for your thoughtful reply. It means a lot to me.
AKC
poster:AKC
thread:9358
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010812/msgs/9386.html