Posted by Adam on July 29, 2001, at 20:27:16
In reply to How can I get over the loss of a loved one?, posted by Glenn Fagelson on July 29, 2001, at 14:07:41
I think Willow put it best, Glenn. It's a hard thing to have to say to someone, but, to use another well-flogged cliche, the only way out is through. If you feel sad, and you dream, and it hurts, that is fairly natural. If it goes on too long, and you feel you can't stand it anymore, I suspect that, while your feelings of mourning are legitimate, their profundity and intractability are attributable to depression, and that needs to be worked on as much as you can.
FWIW, I found psychodymamic approaches to be of little help for this problem, though your milage will certainly vary. What worked best for me was to not be isolated, and that required efforts that I did not, at first, believe I had the energy to endeavor. It involved connecting as much as I could with friends, and making new ones whenever I could. It was really, really hard. One thing I found especially difficult was trying to interact with people (which I knew I needed to do) without being overwhelmed by a sense of isolation from them, all of them seemingly ecstatic about life and completely fulfilled in every possible way compared to me, heartbroken, lonely in a crowded room, wanting only one thing really, and not getting it from anyone there, because none of them could ever bring her back to me.
But, eventually, these feelings will fade. It's hard to believe, but it's true. Strengthening old bonds and making new ones will become more than a coping mechanism, they will become what they are under most circumstances: mutually enjoyable and rewarding for all concerned. But don't feel guilty if at first its just a way to dull the pain; your friends know that, and want to help. You might ask them for help, even. You might admit to them you are unhappy, and lonely. I think they will understand, and will want to offer you their support.
Don't isolate yourself. Don't ignore your pain. Don't neglect your mental health. And don't give up. It will get better, in time.
> My girlfriend and I had to break up, for
> reasons I won't go into now. We stopped
> all connections with each other 5 months
> ago. We loved each other very, very much!
> My problem is this: I dream about her all
> the time when I am asleep. I think about
> her everyday; my heart aches for her. Does
> anyone have any suggestions as to how I can
> get over her?
>
> Glenn
poster:Adam
thread:8276
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010726/msgs/8305.html