Posted by Wendy B. on July 27, 2001, at 14:29:51
In reply to Re: ditto ditto ditto an infinitum....etc...., posted by Anna Laura on July 23, 2001, at 6:23:41
(...)
> > Yesterday i hardly made it trough the day: i felt like i did LSD; i could hardly understand what was going on, what people were saying, etc...
> > > In the worst moments i hid myself in the bathroom. That's the only think i can do: i just can't get any support. My fianceé wouldn't understand either. He was like" I know you don't feel so bad, you think you feel bad, you're just scared and fear makes you think you feel terrible wheares you'd only be a little sick.
> > > Fear is capable of making things look bigger then they're normally".
> > > When i told him i lost my ideals and i lost myself, the person i used to be, he would say things like: "it's just an impression, it's not real"
> > > "How can you tell this? You're not inside my head" i told him.
> > > "I can tell that because i can feel you"
> > > "I don't feel anything whatsoever instead and you're in denial because you don't want to face the truth".
> > > "You're not so sick" he would add.
> > > Then i would end the discussion saying :"o.k. you're right, would you leave me alone now ?".
> > >
> > > That's it folks. I think you are the only ones who can understand what i'm going through.
> >
> >
> > Hi Anna Laura,
> > I'm sorry about your awful visit with your mother... It's so painful to realize, for the millionth time, that your mother will never be able to give you what you want. I mean, even though we intellectually know this, it still pains us - eternally, it seems.
> > I'm currently trying to examine why my father left me and my other 3 siblings when we were young, I was an infant, and never knew him.... he was a drunk, and has since lived all over, marrying several times, having more children, and then leaving them, too. It's killing me, making me be unable to choose the right man for a partner again and again, and I'm in my 40s. I've committed myself to trying to find out where my father lives, and face him in person, eventually... Then I also wonder what it will accomplish, but my therapist thinks it would be worth it. It's been sooooo hard, and I have been tearful for >months< over it. Why now? why me?
> > To make me laugh, a friend said, why don't you start your own web site where people try to find the fathers who abandoned them? He says, you can call it: "find-the-bastard-who-ruined-your-life dot com." Or other similar variations, using all sorts of bad language which I won't print right now (unless asked to!)
> > Also wondered why you are stopping your medications? You may have mentioned it in a post that I didn't happen to read, sorry. I think right now is precisely when you do need them. (Just my opinion...)
> >
> > All the very best, as usual, bella,
> >
> > Wendy
>
> Ciao Wendy,
>
> You asked why i wanted to stop my med... The problem is that i started to feel sick again last week while i was on them so I thought i was taking the wrong combo. (i took benzos and antypsichotics years ago and they both made my depression worse).
> So i suspected that this med cocktail triggered my depression instead of soothing it, being benzos and antypsichotics depressors of the nervous system after all.
> That's why i wanted to quit them, but i didn't make it 'cause i felt too sick.
> I'm going to see a new pdoc tomorrow and i'll ask him if i can switch to effexor....
> That's it. Hope it's going to get better.
>
> Ti faccio tanti auguri,
> Blessings
>
> Anna Laura
Anna Laura,
I'm so sorry, I lapsed for a few days because I was - where? Very amusing - at my mother's. It was very depressing. They have a "Windows" machine, and I HATE working with it, thru an AOL account, which I also hate. And their machine is soooo slow, it's murder to check the Babble boards from there. I also challenged you on the Freud discussion, sorry, I get opinionated...)
But I did find out more about where my real father lives on this trip, so maybe I will be able to figure out that puzzle.What about the meds? Did you see the p-doc? You have to stay on meds, you know. It's very common for us to want to go off them, though. Tell me what happened there, I'm back and listening...
Your friend,
Wendy
poster:Wendy B.
thread:7717
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010726/msgs/8123.html