Posted by Cecilia on April 16, 2001, at 4:19:09
In reply to Re: the mask, posted by Noa on April 14, 2001, at 12:41:51
I tried my best for 7 years to let my therapist under the mask, though I had constant fear that when she discovered the real me she would abandon me, and sure enough (classic self-fulfiilling prophecy) she did. As for the rest of the world, I`m like you, Snuffy, my biggest fear is poeple discovering the real me, but it`s not about hurting the people I love, frankly I don`t have anyone in that category, it`s just about fear of being seen, of humiliation. Last summer my pdoc told me he had no more suggestions for meds, the only suggestion he had left was ECT and the fear of this (i.e. the fear of people at work finding out about it) plunged me into overwhelming terror and despair. The suggestion of ECT increased my depression to the point where I actually considered having it and the more I considered having it the more terrified and depressed I got. It wasn`t so much a clear-cut decision NOT to have it as much as deciding by default that I would never be brave enough, and once I realized that, that I didn`t have to risk having the mask yanked off. my overwhelming terror and panic subsided to just my usual chronic depression.
poster:Cecilia
thread:5489
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010404/msgs/5688.html