Posted by Rzip on October 20, 2000, at 23:06:06
In reply to Reasons to live, posted by Cass on October 20, 2000, at 20:24:09
> The subject of this thread is "reasons to live". My answer is that I have an obligation to honor my spirit and my wish to live.
When I was in college almost two years ago, I had planned to commit suicide by OD. But the strangest phenomenon happened when I was heading back from the store, with the box of pills in my pocket. Back then, my place of residence and the convience store were aligned along the same side of a single street. The depressed part of me was planning to simply buy the pills, head straight back to my place and carry it out. However, that is not what I happened.
Instead, for some strange and "divine" reason, I went across the street after exiting the store, went through the park, and into the Admistration building to sought out my adviser and my dean.
This above narrative happened at a point in my life when I had no clues about mental illnesses nor that there is such a thing as professional help. I was just miserable and wanted to take the easy way out. So the reality that I actually sought help when I thought there were none proved to myself that I want to live.
Whenever I get depressed nowdays, and the dark contemplation start to envelope over my synapases again...I force myself to recall that historical life-changing moment when my spirit guided me to seek help.In my darkest hour, my spirit spoke to me and guided me to professionals. Looking back, I still feel so utterly amaze at the human mind. How can the same organism that drives me to take my own life, also guide me to seek help? Above and beyond all else, I put my trust in my autonomy. Deep down (when I am feeling CNPish), I fully trust my inert capabilities to think my way out of tough dilemmas. Thus, the process of coninual life energizes me to feel driven to take whatever means of opportunities to find my true being. I owe it to my spirit (my buddy) to continue to live knowing that I want to be alive. Ultimately, I want to be faithful to MYSELF. My faith therefore is my ultimate reason to live.
- Rzip
poster:Rzip
thread:1383
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001011/msgs/1391.html