Posted by noa on October 19, 2000, at 19:16:47
In reply to Who am I? I don't think I know myself anymore..., posted by Angela5 on October 19, 2000, at 18:50:44
Angela, I hope you can learn to be kinder to yourself.
First, it is common in your twenties to encounter a kind of competetive interaction among college/high school friends, even if it is way below the surface. I think the 20's are full of "who am I's" "what will my life be like" "what do I want to do with my life", etc. Even for people who appear certain of these things.
Don't expect yourself to know all the answers right away. Be patient with yourself.
Elsewhere on this board, Dove and I wrote about "detours". Life doesn't always have to go in a straight line.
Also, I can relate to the feeling of loss from dealing with depression at important developmental stages. But it is important to treat yourself as a griever, sympathetically, not judgmentally.
I think is not uncommon for some who went right into a profession after college, to find themselves changing directions at 28, 30, 35, 40, etc. So, even tho it appears these friends are so together, it doesn't mean that they are "set for life", or that your taking your time to figure things out is less good a way to deal with this time of life.
In my late 20's, I was friends with someone who went to the same college, although we had not been freinds at college. We used to talk about how much the alumni news in the alumni magazine made us feel so inadequate---everyone was a partner in this law or investment firm, or chief resident at this hospital, not to mention the successful authors, etc., and all this accomplished while managing to marry an equally successful ivy-leaguer and having 2.5 amazingly wonderful children, and somehow feeling calm and wonderful about balancing it all.
So, we joked about submitting our own joint news item: Noa X writes to say she bumps into Diana Y every so often in City Z. Diana is completing her doctorate in nuclear choreography, and Noa models "fashion 'don'ts'" for Glamour Magazine.
Several years later, in my mid thirties, I was able to chuckle as I read updates from some of the superstars that had appeared in the magazine a few years earlier. Some of the high powered attorneys, business execs, etc. had left their professions, gone back to school to study something very different--education, social work, acupuncture, etc., or had opened a low-key small business ---and were starting completely over in mid to late thirties.
poster:noa
thread:990
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001011/msgs/1333.html