Posted by chdurie2 on September 22, 2000, at 10:41:36
In reply to Re: Going to a funeral Caroline, posted by Cindy W on September 22, 2000, at 9:32:25
> > > > Kelly,
> > > >
> > > > There has been an enormous amount of loss lately her, and at some of the other sites I go to. It's been very overwhelming. My deepest sympathies go out to you and your family. I'm sure your Grandfather enjoyed his time with you as much as you did with him. The pain will pass with time, but cherish your memories forever.
> > > >
> > > > My prayers are with you,
> > > > Greg
> > > >
> > > > > My granfather died tuesday night,I was upset about his death so I took my 4 day leave from work that we are aloud.His funeral is this sat. I don't do good w/ funerals never did,(not like anyone does).I'm going to miss him & all his story he told.
> > > > >
> > > > > *******************************************************
> > > > >
> > > > > Do not stand by my grave and weep
> > > > > I am not there. I do not sleep
> > > > > I am a thousand winds that blow
> > > > > I am a diamond glint on snow
> > > > > I am the sunlight on ripened grain
> > > > > I am the gentle Autumn rain.
> > > > > When you awake in the morning hush
> > > > > I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circling flight
> > > > > I am the soft starshine at night
> > > > > Do not stand by my grave and cry
> > > > > I am not there...I did not die.-
> > > > >
> > > > > kellyR.
> > >
> > > KellyR, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather! The poem you posted made me teary-eyed (just lost my mother last night). Hope the funeral went OK for you. I don't think my family are even having a funeral or any kind of service...which makes it easier in a way, but in a way, makes me feel incomplete. Love, Cindy
> >
> > cindy- i have to laugh; i know death is not funny, especially your mom's, but we have so many similarities. when i quickly packed to rush down to my father's bedside, i threw in a black dress in case there was a funeral. well, my dad, like your mom, didn't want a funeral, so i know the incompleteness. he wanted his body donated to the medical school of his alma mater, but the sad part was, when they got him, they said there was nothing they could use-the alcoholism had destroyed everything. so we had him cremated and threw the ashes over a family gravesite about 1200 miles away. then there was this whole thing, cuz dad never wanted "in" in the family gravesite, short on space. finally relatives decided the gravesite wouldn't be complete without a marker for him (he wasn't close to his kids or my mom, but the rest of the relatives adored him.) anyway, i didn't go to service, which was a year later. but i know what you mean. i donated money to the hospital and his alma mater, but it wasn't the same. oh, well. caroline
>
> Caroline, I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one whose parent didn't have a funeral or service (I didn't realize people even did this). I'm going to send a box of candy to the ICU people, I think, who took such good care of her, and consider that a service of sorts, for me! Love,CindyCindy-I think we're definitely in the minority (parents dying and no funeral.) If it's any comfort, it never even occurred to me when i threw the black dress into the suitcase that there might not be a funeral - my only thought was maybe i was being a bit premature by thinking there might be. don't know if you already sent the nurses the candy, but you might ask if there's any patient in the ICU who has no family and send flowers to them - just a thought. i sent flowers to the nurses, and they told me when we went to pick up dad's stuff that they had divided them among a few patients who had no family. that made me feel good. and when i was in hospital 15 years ago with an MAIO hypertensive crisis, and i was bellyaching about how depressed i was, one nurse nicely told me that i should consider myself fortunate that i had friends who cared enuf to bring me flowers --that there were many in the ICU who had no visitors and no flowers. but yes, i think the important thing is to have your own "service" for closure - i gave money to hospital (not much) cuz it was near holiday time, and i think, if you gave $5, you could have a light on xmas tree with a card that said anything you wanted. so i gave for cards in memory of my dad from each member of my family to "give" him a bunch of lites on the tree. so you can make up your own "service." my brother, when dad died, lit a votive-type candle under his picture and let it burn all night. and we're not religious, but i think he says the prayer for the dead when he does this little ceremony on every anniversary of dad's death. i just call each of my brothers on the anniversary day and ask them what they've done, and tell them i've been thinking about dad etc. by the way, you're reminding me that after the LSAT, i have to get my brother some sort of plain, decorative container for the annual candle. last year, when i called, my other brother commented that my candle-lighting brother could burn down his apartment with his little commemoration. so i'm sure you can think of some ways to privately honor your mom. you sound like you're doing great. love, caroline
poster:chdurie2
thread:445
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20000813/msgs/623.html