Posted by fleeting flutterby on June 18, 2008, at 14:10:46
In reply to Re: you're male?, posted by nomadjones on June 17, 2008, at 14:50:40
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>> Frankly, I feel like I don't know what the "rules" are and I can't find a rule book (I was hoping that couples therapy [initiated by me] might do it, but we're several sessions in and there's no magic bullet yet). Im reading some stuff by John Gottmann on marriage ("7 Principles") that makes sense. I'm just stumbling around trying to do the right things, but end up triggering fights or disputes or criticisms anyway. I come across as very tense in the relationship partly because I'm trying to carefully choose my words and actions and partly because I'm hypersensitive to criticism.<<Gee-- It sounds to me like you are making a lot of effort with your relationship. I commend you on that! <3 --> that's a heart- sideways. I understand it's hard being hypersensitive to criticism-- I'm like that too and seem to never be good enough for husband. :o(
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>> Often I get defensive when things come up, which just makes it all worse (see my post above). Plus, even if I'm depressed/anxious/defensive and it's mostly my fault, I can't believe that it's completely my problem that there are relationship issues - she's fed up enough with me and my role that we don't talk about her role.<<hmmmmm... I would think her not wanting to look at her role in things can make your efforts so very difficult-- I hope between you and the therapy she will soon open up to look at her own pluses and minuses in the relationship. There are always two sides.
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>>Love to hear any suggestions/encouragement from people who've been there. Any recommended books fleeting-flutterby on communications?<<Well, wish I could recommend some books-- but, I'm not much for reading self-help books. I read a lot but they are all novels. Sorry I couldn't help you..... :o(
best to you
flutterby-mandy
poster:fleeting flutterby
thread:834909
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20071110/msgs/835271.html