Posted by rainangel85 on April 20, 2011, at 20:36:46
Hello. First since it's my 1st post, I want to introduce myself. I'm a 26-yr-old married mother of a 11-mo-old, and I have DID-NOS, or ego state disorder as I once heard it called. Seems it should have its own diagnosis since DID-NOS covers a lot. But I know I don't have DID with full-blown multiples, and I don't lose time (though I've always had a poor memory). BUT I do have parts, I think maybe lots of them. I can hear them if I listen. I also have a fog that makes the world less real. Ruled out skitzophrenia a long time ago. It is clear what it is now. There are little girl parts, and protectors, and at least one pre-verbal infant part, near as I can tell. Lots of different feelings, attitudes. Though I suspect sexual abuse for a number of good reasons, I have had no memories. I'm still at the beginning of all this. Only recently have I come to a consistent-enough belief that I actually am fractured.
I been seeing a faith-based therapist for about a year. She is not a pyschologist, but has worked successfully with many full-blown DID's over the years, including survivors of Satanic Ritual Abuse, so she has a lot of experience. (Please lets not debate whether SRA really exists. I know one first hand, and it DOES. Off-topic though)
I found this site when researching the term "ego state disorder" which didn't have a lot of hits. In general, I'm surprised at the lack of resources for issues on the DID conintuum that aren't full-blown. As if it is all or none. I was relieved to find others shareing experences with the same thing. But those posts were years ago. (Are you still around? Are you all healed and integrated by now? That would be great, but I know this stuff can take years)
<<< Here is My Question >>>
In therapy should I try to talk from my inner voices? It would be really awkward. I'm cool and collected, but my parts sound intense, and so are the facial expressions. I would just feel so silly to try to speak for them. There's been only a couple times where an inner part (angry) comes to the front and yells something out. But it gets quickly contained. I wouldn't know how to keep it up front if I wanted it. It just goes against the inner protocol. If I tried to say what might voices say, do you think they would come out more, even if it was really weird and awkward and disconnected?Also it is hard to trust the voices, because it seems like it is partly my conscious-me's interpretation of the feelings I feel, and I never am sure how much I am making up or assuming. Like my little one(s) used to say "Mama," which I called my mom growing up, but now that I have a baby, I call myself "Mommy" and then my little ones started saying "mommy" instead, though they seem to be talking about memories from growing up. If they were real age states, wouldn't they continue to say "Mama?." So how can I trust what I hear isn't just me making guesses?
Thanks in advance to anyone who responds!!
Bethany
poster:rainangel85
thread:983370
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110324/msgs/983370.html