Posted by Solstice on February 23, 2011, at 17:29:33
In reply to Re: I think the weather in h*ll must be chilly, posted by Daisym on February 23, 2011, at 13:33:09
> I guess I really didn't realize how much I wanted/needed to close out the world during sessions and feel safe, completely and totally safe
I still want that even expect that. I'm not sure that the feeling youre describing necessarily goes away after we 'grow up' in therapy. When I am in that room with T - - regardless of where I am with respect to 'growing up' - - I want to feel utterly and absolutely emotionally safe. It's the only way I can be unguarded enough for it to work.
I also need to be able to shift back and forth between my grown up self, and my more dependent-on-therapist self. Parts of me are quite healed and function quite well independent of therapy. But there are some very vulnerable areas that are very deep beyond my ability to fully understand. I need to be able to shift (regress?). I think this kind of thing played a role in my recent therapeutic disaster. I've been pretty 'grown up' in therapy for a good while. Some of those loosey-goosey things Dinah referred to had been happening to my 'frame.' Things like moving apt times, something I say reminding T of some story and relating the story despite it having no relevance to my therapy, and T leaving cell phone on vibrate. Those things didnt get bad enough for it to be a big problem for my grown up self. But over the last month Ive had a convergence of very stressful life circumstances that have put enormous pressure on me.. tapping into fears, insecurities, anxieties. We had been talking about it.. and T is the one who pointed out that my legs getting wobbly was to be expected considering the extraordinary stress.
Then some things happened that pulled the rug out from under me, and I shifted.. I guess back to a less sturdy self.. a much more fragile ego. T did not shift with me, and a bunch of different things that T has gotten so casual about took place and the whole thing overwhelmed me beyond my capacity to manage. It tapped into some very, very deep wounds.. and I wish to goodness my T had not trampled on that place with the cleats of sloppy therapeutic practices.
Anyway.. I want to feel safe.. regardless of how grown up I might be.
Solstice
poster:Solstice
thread:979635
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110206/msgs/979686.html