Posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on December 7, 2008, at 12:27:10
In reply to Re: I am puzzled » SlugSlimersSoSlided, posted by Dinah on December 7, 2008, at 10:00:44
I know this is getting way off topic of my intended post, but who cares, it doesn't bother me. I think a lot of theories have steps or separations, like Freud's id, ego and super ego. There are so many theories of personality development and modes of therapy.
When I mentioned that my T said that she noticed I used more child like words, when I answered a question, I truly believe that was her perception. I don't always sound intellectual, especially when I am not feeling well ( I had a migraine that session that I treated with my meds, but they weren't working very well) or when I am tired.
She respects my option very much because that is why she asked me if I noticed I used more child like words. I didn't notice and asked her what she meant.
She says we do therapy together as a team, that she is not the authority over me, that we work together to figure things out. So I have no problems asking her about this. I know she is the T and will notice things about me, so I think it is cool she is actually putting me in the focus. She is still trying to put together the puzzle she says, she says everyone has a different puzzle. That my path may be different in what I need to recover that may not be with the norms of usual child abuse since I am unusual as an adult survivor. Sp I know she is looking for dissociating in me, she is always asking me if I am present in the room. I am and I find the question kinda annoying, but I know it is appropriate.
I did dissociate at the time of abuse, in it's truest form, that is in the actual time of actual harm. But I don't dissociate when talking about what happened to me or any other time in my life, even as a child. It was just during the actual abuse. But that is just me. Many of my T's say I am unusual for survivors, I am in the minority.
I didn't go on to abuse my children, I didn't turn to drugs, I didn't get admitted to a mental hospital for mental problems, and many usual ways abuse effects others. But it did harm me in other ways. Ways that me and my T are just beginning to discover. One of my T's said my intelligence probably saved me, it keep me sage from more abuse. I hide away, I got away from home.
My brother was not so lucky, his abuse he suffered caused brain damage. He was very smart though, but the damage effected other area's of development. I do have arthritis of the neck, caused from being banged around, I have a cracked tailbone that healed wrong, that caused a huge amount of pain during childbirth of my 2 kids. I hoard food because I grew up being hungry and it wasn't because my family was poor, we were middle class.I have scars all over my body and other stuff too. But I didn't split off, most victims do not become DID. I do have PTSD, but then again not all abuse victims have that either. So we are all different and my T says you can't apply generalities to child abuse victims. So maybe I should be more messed up, it amazed all my T's that I am actually pretty normal functioning in life. I do carry some of the signs though.
poster:SlugSlimersSoSlided
thread:866729
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/867253.html