Posted by Daisym on November 19, 2007, at 23:42:19
In reply to Re: Sorting out my session today » annierose, posted by RealMe on November 19, 2007, at 23:15:08
I know you tend to see your world through the filter of "I'm sure you don't like me" - even though you are very likeable. Which is why it is so important to really feel that our therapists both care about us as well as like us. I think those are different things. We feel caring and sometimes that is easier to give. I'm constantly bringing the part of my life I do well into therapy because I want my therapist to see more than the depressed person who presents with tears each day. And where else can we ask such a direct question?
I think what makes it really hard for me is that I know that I'm supposed to believe that I'm likeable. The right answer is "yes, people like me. I'm worth some time and attention and it is OK to want them to like me." So to admit I'm not sure or that I feel insecure about people liking me compounds the issue. I have to struggle with feelings that aren't even supposed to be there and I feel defensive for even having them! Sheesh.
Today I tried to find my way back to my therapist. I've been gone. I've been sick. We have Holidays coming up and I'm traveling again -- several weeks in a row I'll be missing sessions. Not all of them, but still... So tears showed up and I was frustrated over how powerful this feeling of being alone is again. He said I don't have to be, I could let him in again. I said I feel like I'm drowning in all these tears and I don't want to take him down with me. He said it sounds like I need him to bouy us both up. I shook my head and he said..."I trained as a life guard." I answered, "what are you going to do, throw me psychic-life preservers?" He said yes - chocolate, wine, sleep... At least it made me laugh.
Like I said, you are doing really good work. Keep talking about all of this.
poster:Daisym
thread:794679
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071105/msgs/796104.html