Posted by Dory on November 6, 2007, at 8:30:44
why hasn't he walked away yet? why haven't i driven him away? i came close, i totally frustrated him last week.. but he stuck around anyway. Someone said there are easier ways to make a living, and in terms of working with me there **has** to be easier things to do. He must have clients which are easier to handle, cause him less grief or stress.
why is he doing this? i hired him to help me, and he is doing that bit by bit... but it doesn't mean he has to take what i make him suffer through.
why doesn't he see me for what i am? why doesn't he understand that there isn't anything he can do that will help me make major change? Doesn't he get it that he will run into a wall and not be able to get around it?
i told the chatters last night that i gave him the keys to the kingdom. i told him how to diffuse me when i become intimidating and aggressive. He knew it was a defensive thing, but i told him how to pop it like a balloon. It's easy if you know the secret door.
i am worried that i made a mistake. i don't think he would deliberately hurt me, but if he mishandles what he now knows... well, it would hurt me so bad i can't even describe... he is getting better at knowing me.. the real me and how i operate, but i am afraid that maybe it was too soon to hand over those keys. i am worried that id did it before i was reallly ready..
i push myself too hard, in part to please him (even though he never asks for such a thing) and in part because i feel pressured. i still fear that he will kick me out and so i need to get it all done asap. So i worry... i worry i did this too soon and it will make me afraid of him.
poster:Dory
thread:793550
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071105/msgs/793550.html