Posted by rskontos on November 5, 2007, at 14:46:42
In reply to Re: watching a triggering movie**trigger, posted by Muffled on November 5, 2007, at 13:55:57
B2C, I am so glad Muffled answered you b/c I cared about you and didn't know. I hide my thoughts from everyone. I just tell my T I have dark thoughts and let her guess what they are. We haven't talked about them yet. They are getting worse. This weekend I even plotted it out. but I don't tell only on Babble. It is my only escape place to vent. I think my meds actually made the thoughts worse. JMHO. I had them better but more since I went on the AD. I never had them at all until cymbalta. I am not on cymbalta now a different one and I am starting to have them I don't know . This ad helps the day to day anxiety and the deep depression but seems to increase thoughts of suicide so I probably should get off of it. But this weekend the incident that got those thoughts out of my head was we lost my daughter at a football game for 2 hours and I went hysterical trying to find her. The police weren't much help. She wandered back on her own. It was so traumatic and almost world altering. I still feel very small and humble today. And then afterward a drunk college boy tried to pick me up (I am 48). I started laughing and couldn't stop, my daughter starting laughing as him moved on to her. My son (15) was blown away that these college boys tried to pick us up with him there. Anyway, it blew my dark thoughts away for the evening. But boy was I exhausted after that terrifying incident. I imagined all kinds of bad stuff happening to her. I am still numb but glad she is ok.
I don't tell people my suicidal thoughts for the reason you mentioned how many can you talk about before they commit you because that is what happened to my mother. We(9my sisters and I we were 15m 13, and 5) called 911 because my mother had a breakdown and we didn't know what else to do. So she went away. We were left alone with a distant father who left for work like everything was normal. So I couldn't tell anyone for fear they would tak e me away too.
I worry about you. Please take care. rk
poster:rskontos
thread:793413
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071105/msgs/793447.html